(committing to "i'm done" is difficult after noctis gets his last barb in. name-calling is far easier to handle than whatever this is; his words are being thrown back in his face as though they're nothing more than a joke.
just once, he'd like to ask why this is the result of his efforts to reconnect with people. old "friends" had a lot to say about his year-long disappearance and even more about his resulting disposition, which led to ghosting en masse and being cut out of the lives of those he'd come to trust. they mocked him and his circumstances, and some even tried to make light of it for his "own benefit," but every single reaction made him shrink further and further into himself.
it's happening again even now when they're both dead and lacking support, which is, jonas imagines, why it's just as humiliating.
to collect his thoughts and compartmentalize the day, jonas leaves his phone on the windowsill to light a cigarette outside. after smoking two more end-to-end, he returns, apathetic, to another notification.)
Hey, I knew you'd be back. You forget to add the rest of the Es?
[ No reply comes at first, and it leaves Noctis to assume the worst. Jonas is gone, Jonas has blocked him, Jonas is, for all intents and purposes, done continuing in this conversation. It cuts him off from a chance to explain himself or a chance to apologize, or even a chance to make it clear that he knows all he just said was wrong.
Sure, he might not know him well yet, but his mistrust for Jonas doesn't run half as deep as what he's reading implies... does it? Why the fuck did he say it? ]
Did you lose control earlier?
[ The pointed question replaces softer first attempts, throwaway comments about his typing or tries to ease the very, very thick tension. ]
(the text's contents are unwelcome. even dormant after expending energy to manifest, his shadow forces his thumb to dismiss the messaging app altogether.
it takes effort to reopen it, jonas' jaw locking to place heavy pressure back on molars that taste like ash.)
Yeah, I did. It was bad, and I'm really sorry I fucked up that hard.
So can we blame all this on that and just cool it for a bit?
[ His hand's rubbing at his mouth seemingly without his say-so, anxious in waiting for a reply with locked in body language and a vacant stare down at his phone. For the second time now, someone or something has shoved his consciousness viciously into the back of his mind and puppeteered his body... and just like the first time, he has zero memory of it.
And it happened at the worst fucking moment, and he said the worst things– and some of those things were personal. They were things only Noctis himself would know. ]
No
Yeah, I mean, but can you tell me you're okay first. If you wanna stop talking for now I get it but I need to know that.
(jonas knows his snort is unfair despite noctis being unable to hear it, and the silence after it only makes him feel guiltier.
it struck him as a ridiculous question; how could he be okay? noctis certainly isn't, apparent in the way he seeks his answers. the combination of that, and the oppressive shame that this was all started by him, is what makes jonas respond honestly.)
Am I okay? No, actually, I'm not lol. I lost control of my own body and passed out on the floor, I'm scared out of my mind, and I feel like garbage bc like right after I called you my friend we decided to lay into each other.
Am I used to all of the above? Shockingly yes. And I'll get over it.
I have a splitting headache so I'm gonna go with a "yes, I hit my head," but I'm coherent and spelling things right. ig it was just a love tap from the floor or smth. idk
You just said you didn't "decide" anything and now you're blaming yourself. Which is it?
bc man, I didn't want to sound crazy, but I've honestly had enough of fibbing to make other ppl feel better in scary situations so here goes: I've been feeling this thing in the back of my head since we got to Stygia and it's been saying the worst shit ever.
[ Did he choose to go after Jonas? No, not consciously. Were his fingers still the ones that typed those messages? Undoubtedly. Just like he was the one that freaked him out the day the Soulidarity app went live, that was him. Or some version of him that this place feels like creating to mess with them all, and that's a much more appealing idea that he wants to latch onto. ]
Like it's talking to you or smth? Idk maybe someone or smth is contacting us and taking control when we least expect it. It's just messed up that they know so much about us. That's the piece I don't get.
Look w/e it is maybe if we talk to each other about it we can figure smth out
Well, whatever this thing is it's not me. I'M me. And I'M sick of this shit. That's all I know and it's all I want to know. I want it out of me.
(it's taking hold of him. it's taking him over. it's filling itself into the hollow parts of his body and manoeuvring him around like a doll. it's just like before, only this time there's no pain to tell him when.
jonas sits heavily on the couch and leans forward onto his knees.)
Just like that's not you. It's just not, so let's work off that.
rn though I don't want to talk about it. I want to talk about smth normal for like 5 minutes without being interrupted by smth horrible.
He wants a straight answer out of somebody, no more avoiding, no more bullshit, no more tasteful dancing around a problem or tasteless outright aversion. No glances away in an effort to pretend something painful hasn't just happened, no theatrical performances of normal.
But. But. He feels in the very fiber of his being that persistent desire to be average, to break from the irrationality of a strange life and a stranger vacation from it just to talk to someone who understands. ]
Okay.
We take 5. We were talking about stuff we were into earlier right?
(wanting to move on is far easier than actually putting it into practice. the mood has been irrevocably sullied by their shadows, so how are they meant to contend with that? jonas feels as though his heart might stop with how hard it's pounding in his chest. if it doesn't, dry-heaving is still a very real possibility.
it was his demand, which makes him the one responsible for easing them into another topic.)
Piano's cool, I've always wanted to learn. For keyboarding or like synth stuff yk?
I play ukulele and guitar. ik sometimes ppl say if you play one you'll be at least familiar with the others like electric guitar, bass guitar, etc. but it's actually way harder than that so. Going from ukulele to guitar was so weird.
Did you try to play video game stuff on the piano when you had the chance? Lol
So you're not into trying to play big classical numbers? I only ever got stuck with the slow boring waltzes
And nah, video games came later for me. I stuck to myself as a kid so I didn't know anyone who gamed and it wasn't smth that was around. When I finally started I hadn't touched a piano in years.
Good god ia, waltzes are the worst. They make me think of chicks in ballgowns and a bunch of pretentious dudes. I'd like to play some classical stuff though ig, it just wouldn't be my actual focus.
My mom wouldn't let me have game systems bc she thought they'd rot my brain or whatever, so she taught me about music instead. Like how to really appreciate it. She taught me ukulele. After that, idk I think I thought guitar would make me popular, hilariously. And it worked, just in weird ways.
I don't regret it and I do really like it, I just wish I hadn't done it to impress ppl. Hobbies should just be for your own enjoyment, like music or sports or video games or..... whatever.
[ Considering the few parties at which a very shy young prince had been encouraged to play a few bars, incredibly reluctantly? Jonas's description is pretty close to home. Ballgowns and pretentious guys, huh... ]
Yeah.
Idk it sounds like a win win. You came out of it thinking a new way and got a hobby you still like. That's cool.
I've seen music shops. And it'd be pretty weird if people didn't play sports, but you could probably get them on board if they didn't. Games idk, I haven't looked. Fsr buying one here would feel off
That's a better way to see it, probably. You think it's cool, I just think it's lame.
Also lame: trying to make people play sports with me here. Like your thing w/ the games, it'd feel super weird. It'd be like..... me pretending to be into it the whole time while handling a mental breakdown poorly. Or maybe it wouldn't at all. Maybe it'd be good exercise and a healthy coping mechanism.
Either way, ik what you're saying, I think. If not, then we'll be confused together.
So it's rabbit not rabit? Lol wow someone was lying
[ It's a safer topic than painstakingly explaining that it's less coddling and more an attempt to find something that will make them both feel better, as well as an admission that Jonas's wellbeing genuinely matters to him now. He doesn't want to touch on any of it just yet. ]
I've got a couple, it just kind of happened. The details aren't really the important part, what matters is none of them have names yet.
Well whatever, I'm the uncrowned king of naming things, so you came to the right guy. Lemme ask you this though bc I'm gonna drop a bunch of puns on you probably: Did you have rabbits in your world?
the comment, openly flirtatious in jonas' eyes, gets a short lean back in response. it takes him half a minute of silent reflection to then doubt that was noctis' intention.)
If it looks like a rabbit and hops like a rabbit then it's probably a rabbit. They actually go by a bunch of names, nicknames almost. "Bunny rabbit" is one, so just keep that in mind for the next bit.
Honeybun. One has to be named Honeybun.
Cadbury (chocolate brand w/ a bunny mascot). Duracell (battery brand w/ a bunny mascot. Sir Hopsalot (obvious). Peter Cottontail (a rabbit character). Also Ted Bundy, but he was an actual serial killer.
Bunny? Seriously? Where did that even come from lmao
[ It's cute....... ]
Okay there's 6 of them so hold on. Honeybun? Cadbury, Duracell, Sir Hopsalot, Peter Cottontail, that's 5 and not all of them are passing my screening. If you think I'm naming one after a murderer when they already watch me sleep you're way off.
Fine, tough crowd, wow. I thought Duracell was badass.
How are Thaddeus and Faustina any better? What even are those names dude I'm cracking up. Like no judgement, I'm just thinking about a bunny named Thaddeus.
Actually, we absolutely have to name one Thaddeus hahahaha
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
just once, he'd like to ask why this is the result of his efforts to reconnect with people. old "friends" had a lot to say about his year-long disappearance and even more about his resulting disposition, which led to ghosting en masse and being cut out of the lives of those he'd come to trust. they mocked him and his circumstances, and some even tried to make light of it for his "own benefit," but every single reaction made him shrink further and further into himself.
it's happening again even now when they're both dead and lacking support, which is, jonas imagines, why it's just as humiliating.
to collect his thoughts and compartmentalize the day, jonas leaves his phone on the windowsill to light a cigarette outside. after smoking two more end-to-end, he returns, apathetic, to another notification.)
Hey, I knew you'd be back. You forget to add the rest of the Es?
no subject
Sure, he might not know him well yet, but his mistrust for Jonas doesn't run half as deep as what he's reading implies... does it? Why the fuck did he say it? ]
Did you lose control earlier?
[ The pointed question replaces softer first attempts, throwaway comments about his typing or tries to ease the very, very thick tension. ]
no subject
it takes effort to reopen it, jonas' jaw locking to place heavy pressure back on molars that taste like ash.)
Yeah, I did. It was bad, and I'm really sorry I fucked up that hard.
So can we blame all this on that and just cool it for a bit?
no subject
And it happened at the worst fucking moment, and he said the worst things– and some of those things were personal. They were things only Noctis himself would know. ]
No
Yeah, I mean, but can you tell me you're okay first. If you wanna stop talking for now I get it but I need to know that.
no subject
it struck him as a ridiculous question; how could he be okay? noctis certainly isn't, apparent in the way he seeks his answers. the combination of that, and the oppressive shame that this was all started by him, is what makes jonas respond honestly.)
Am I okay? No, actually, I'm not lol. I lost control of my own body and passed out on the floor, I'm scared out of my mind, and I feel like garbage bc like right after I called you my friend we decided to lay into each other.
Am I used to all of the above? Shockingly yes. And I'll get over it.
Are you okay?
no subject
I just wanna make sure you didn't hit your head or anything or
Idk
Stuff that's not "I'll get over it".
[ It's a lot of words to cover his worry for the other young man and the accompany huge wave of guilt. ]
Ngl I don't really feel like talking about me after what I said.
no subject
You just said you didn't "decide" anything and now you're blaming yourself. Which is it?
bc man, I didn't want to sound crazy, but I've honestly had enough of fibbing to make other ppl feel better in scary situations so here goes: I've been feeling this thing in the back of my head since we got to Stygia and it's been saying the worst shit ever.
no subject
[ Did he choose to go after Jonas? No, not consciously. Were his fingers still the ones that typed those messages? Undoubtedly. Just like he was the one that freaked him out the day the Soulidarity app went live, that was him. Or some version of him that this place feels like creating to mess with them all, and that's a much more appealing idea that he wants to latch onto. ]
Like it's talking to you or smth? Idk maybe someone or smth is contacting us and taking control when we least expect it. It's just messed up that they know so much about us. That's the piece I don't get.
Look w/e it is maybe if we talk to each other about it we can figure smth out
no subject
(it's taking hold of him. it's taking him over. it's filling itself into the hollow parts of his body and manoeuvring him around like a doll. it's just like before, only this time there's no pain to tell him when.
jonas sits heavily on the couch and leans forward onto his knees.)
Just like that's not you. It's just not, so let's work off that.
rn though I don't want to talk about it. I want to talk about smth normal for like 5 minutes without being interrupted by smth horrible.
no subject
He wants a straight answer out of somebody, no more avoiding, no more bullshit, no more tasteful dancing around a problem or tasteless outright aversion. No glances away in an effort to pretend something painful hasn't just happened, no theatrical performances of normal.
But. But. He feels in the very fiber of his being that persistent desire to be average, to break from the irrationality of a strange life and a stranger vacation from it just to talk to someone who understands. ]
Okay.
We take 5. We were talking about stuff we were into earlier right?
no subject
(wanting to move on is far easier than actually putting it into practice. the mood has been irrevocably sullied by their shadows, so how are they meant to contend with that? jonas feels as though his heart might stop with how hard it's pounding in his chest. if it doesn't, dry-heaving is still a very real possibility.
it was his demand, which makes him the one responsible for easing them into another topic.)
Do you play any instruments?
no subject
Not well enough that I'd do it here lol
My dad pushed me into piano ig as a kid. Basic. What about you?
no subject
I play ukulele and guitar. ik sometimes ppl say if you play one you'll be at least familiar with the others like electric guitar, bass guitar, etc. but it's actually way harder than that so. Going from ukulele to guitar was so weird.
Did you try to play video game stuff on the piano when you had the chance? Lol
no subject
And nah, video games came later for me. I stuck to myself as a kid so I didn't know anyone who gamed and it wasn't smth that was around. When I finally started I hadn't touched a piano in years.
What made you want to pick up the guitar too?
no subject
My mom wouldn't let me have game systems bc she thought they'd rot my brain or whatever, so she taught me about music instead. Like how to really appreciate it. She taught me ukulele. After that, idk I think I thought guitar would make me popular, hilariously. And it worked, just in weird ways.
I don't regret it and I do really like it, I just wish I hadn't done it to impress ppl. Hobbies should just be for your own enjoyment, like music or sports or video games or..... whatever.
I wonder if there are any here.
no subject
Yeah.
Idk it sounds like a win win. You came out of it thinking a new way and got a hobby you still like. That's cool.
I've seen music shops. And it'd be pretty weird if people didn't play sports, but you could probably get them on board if they didn't. Games idk, I haven't looked. Fsr buying one here would feel off
Idk if that makes sense.
no subject
Also lame: trying to make people play sports with me here. Like your thing w/ the games, it'd feel super weird. It'd be like..... me pretending to be into it the whole time while handling a mental breakdown poorly. Or maybe it wouldn't at all. Maybe it'd be good exercise and a healthy coping mechanism.
Either way, ik what you're saying, I think. If not, then we'll be confused together.
no subject
[ Gladio would never let him hear the end of it. Gladio never lets him hear the end of anything. ]
Here's another question.
If you were gonna name a rabit what would you name it?
no subject
(this double-whammy.)
This is a weird question dude, do you have a rabbit?
I'd probably call it smth funny like after a celebrity or smth.
no subject
[ It's a safer topic than painstakingly explaining that it's less coddling and more an attempt to find something that will make them both feel better, as well as an admission that Jonas's wellbeing genuinely matters to him now. He doesn't want to touch on any of it just yet. ]
I've got a couple, it just kind of happened. The details aren't really the important part, what matters is none of them have names yet.
no subject
Well whatever, I'm the uncrowned king of naming things, so you came to the right guy. Lemme ask you this though bc I'm gonna drop a bunch of puns on you probably: Did you have rabbits in your world?
no subject
[ He has no idea what he's in for and it shows. ]
But no. If there were I'd have it spelled right, js, w/e I'm dealing with is smaller than a cat but with way bigger ears.
no subject
the comment, openly flirtatious in jonas' eyes, gets a short lean back in response. it takes him half a minute of silent reflection to then doubt that was noctis' intention.)
If it looks like a rabbit and hops like a rabbit then it's probably a rabbit. They actually go by a bunch of names, nicknames almost. "Bunny rabbit" is one, so just keep that in mind for the next bit.
Honeybun. One has to be named Honeybun.
Cadbury (chocolate brand w/ a bunny mascot). Duracell (battery brand w/ a bunny mascot. Sir Hopsalot (obvious). Peter Cottontail (a rabbit character). Also Ted Bundy, but he was an actual serial killer.
no subject
[ It's cute....... ]
Okay there's 6 of them so hold on. Honeybun? Cadbury, Duracell, Sir Hopsalot, Peter Cottontail, that's 5 and not all of them are passing my screening. If you think I'm naming one after a murderer when they already watch me sleep you're way off.
Duracell and Sir Hopsalot are kinda eh 😶
All I had so far was Thaddeus and Faustina.
no subject
How are Thaddeus and Faustina any better? What even are those names dude I'm cracking up. Like no judgement, I'm just thinking about a bunny named Thaddeus.
Actually, we absolutely have to name one Thaddeus hahahaha
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/3
2/3
3/3
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
1/2
2/2
1/2
2/2
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)