Reading that word makes him feel something he can't at first define, stomach churning with what he eventually realizes is some kind of jealousy. Jealousy because that's so far from any word he'd use to describe how Cain treats him? Jealousy because Jonas has managed to find that so quickly and easily in someone else, and he wanted to believe it was unique to them both like it was unique to him? He's not sure.
And right now, maturity and a list of crumpled up resolutions tell him it doesn't matter. ]
Yeah. And fwiw I think you're doing the right thing
But Jonas
Idk him that well, you prob know him way better. You're just too close to this to see it. That's not gonna happen and he's not gonna do that
Noct I think you have a pretty good idea about him Maybe he doesn't open up much, but he says a lot without talking If you think he'll be good, then I trust you I trust you a lot man So Thanks
[ Trust. Now that's weighty, precisely because it means so much. He thinks back to their night together under the stars, how well Jonas had shouldered his trust, and he resolves to be as worthy of it. ]
I trust you too
And I trust that Cain wouldn't be able to find another guy like you to talk to here so you're safe
But yw. It's my job to make sure you're good now right?
[ That twists him up inside for another brutal moment, not caught up in the familiar turns of phrase – "I'll protect you", "I'll guide you", "I'll keep you focused" – but something different. "I want to take care of you." ]
Seem to remember you doing that already, or did you forget?
You lucked out. As far as kings go I'm low maintenance
I won't ever forget that Even if I wind up back there I had to experience all my most important memories between like These long periods of nothing Good and bad You and Cain would be in them now Noctis King, soldier, whatever I've never had friends like you And I don't think I ever will again
So many times I like Got so fucking close to an actual goodbye Just let me say it to your face next time I've never been allowed to say it Even if I don't go anywhere and we like Wind up on the same planet with you I want to know that I've told someone once
[ Noctis has experienced his share of heartache and struggle. Perhaps more than the share most would be allotted in life, especially at such a young age, but through that he's always had a towering singular advantage. No... a privilege. That's what knowing his father was, and that's what knowing his friends now is. His support system.
For Jonas to so easily say he hasn't had a bond as strong as this in his past makes his heart ache, knowing what little he does about what he's endured. And... isn't it the same for Cain? Facing his demons alone, unsupported, and understandably angry. It's enough to convince him to reach out after he's finished talking with Jonas, to try to solidify that tenuous bond between them.
He can't now. Not when this current conversation has him so caught up, rereading a text that convinces him of something he hasn't yet put into words in his mind. ]
( He never got to say goodbye to his mother. He never got to say goodbye to his father. He never got to say goodbye to his stepsister. He never got to say goodbye to himself.
And loop after loop of his life dangled in front of him what he's never been allowed to have.
It's selfish. He knows that. All his life he's done nothing but make his loved ones concerned about him. Angry with him. But he needs it too desperately to stop himself from asking. )
Please, man I'm not gonna go off and get myself killed I promise It's just in case I just want to say it just in case
[ Remembering what he himself shared with Jonas, that memory of his father watching his son leave with only a hint of a smile and nothing else shown in normally expressive eyes, makes those words easier to accept. He knows why it matters, intimately. Jonas can understand that in a way he's not sure anyone else could, and he can understand that instinct in Jonas in return. That's... so, so significant. ]
It's okay
I wasn't gonna say no. Whenever you're ready we can do it
( A breath he was consciously holding to keep him steady is exhaled all at once. An explosive sigh of mild relief.
Finally. )
Thanks Thank you We can both say it, and I won't like ever forget Like only having to do it once ever Then every other time after we can say see you later and stuff I feel like this is good Right? It's the best way of doing it ykwim
[ He repeats it again, as if maybe he can will a tone he means to comfort to come through in his texts. In Jonas's he hears his anxiety, the way he speaks choppily when he's tense to avoid silence. He'd done it the other night too. ]
We'll say it so it's said, and if we wanna say it again later we can. You don't have to make a promise either way
And it wasn't the right audience for it. Hard to talk about that w/o saying where I was at the time
[ The Citadel. A palace, more or less, and one Cain doesn't know about. There are some easy obvious truths to be inferred – Jonas isn't the only one with truths unsaid to other members of their group. ]
I learned about Christmas through the records here, we don't have it. The new year is a big deal tho. Fancy parties, usually at the Citadel or a hotel or smth. This year was better even with the fuck up
( Noctis and Cain might be getting along better, but there's still distance. He can't blame them, not when the better parts of their entire lives haven't been shared.
It's how it's supposed to go. Drip-feed friends information and they won't spook and run off. )
I think so too Though I'm trying really hard to picture you in a tux now Sorry bout it
tbh I think you'd look better in one of those fishing hats with hooks and crap hanging off them In a tackle vest yk? And you stand there like such a dad with your hands on your hips like "Ahhh the fish'll be biting today yes siree" Or like "I'll rustle us up some grub" lol
Like with a cummerbund and bowtie? Lol not in a million years, I think you're forgetting that I actually have really good taste and it's getting you confused
So how about you invent another doppelganger for me like you did when we met and he can wear the shitty outfits while I just take the tackles and extra fishing line
[ Yeah, that's right. He still hasn't forgotten about that strange chapter in their history. ]
Don't even go there that was so creepy Besides I really like the mental imagine of YOU wearing a cummerbund Lol 😌
Hey when we can, we should go Fishing the second we're not surrounded by a bunch of crappy sand That's how we can celebrate new years Set your standards bar high for all future new years
[ It sounds like a bad idea. He's managed to successfully ignore the voices in his head – Cor, Gladio, Ignis – who remind him of his entanglements here and their weight back home. Being Jonas's friend is acceptable. Being whatever he felt he was with him under a blanket of stars, vulnerable, united, a picture without borders... isn't. That person could make mistakes.
How does he reconcile the two? ]
You sure?
Last time I thought you were gonna freeze to death
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Reading that word makes him feel something he can't at first define, stomach churning with what he eventually realizes is some kind of jealousy. Jealousy because that's so far from any word he'd use to describe how Cain treats him? Jealousy because Jonas has managed to find that so quickly and easily in someone else, and he wanted to believe it was unique to them both like it was unique to him? He's not sure.
And right now, maturity and a list of crumpled up resolutions tell him it doesn't matter. ]
Yeah. And fwiw I think you're doing the right thing
But Jonas
Idk him that well, you prob know him way better. You're just too close to this to see it. That's not gonna happen and he's not gonna do that
I guarantee it
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Maybe he doesn't open up much, but he says a lot without talking
If you think he'll be good, then I trust you
I trust you a lot man
So
Thanks
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I trust you too
And I trust that Cain wouldn't be able to find another guy like you to talk to here so you're safe
But yw. It's my job to make sure you're good now right?
1/2
Noctis.
His jaw aches with the desire to kiss him. Anywhere, for any amount of time. It dries his throat, makes his fingers clench.
Fuck, he just wanted to know them.
Blinking hard, face flushed with the pronounced effort of denying himself, Jonas denies Noctis.
It's friendly affection when allowed to grow unchecked. This is what having someone to rely on feels like. )
Yeah ig it is
2/2
Mine too
I want to take care of you too
no subject
Seem to remember you doing that already, or did you forget?
You lucked out. As far as kings go I'm low maintenance
no subject
Even if I wind up back there
I had to experience all my most important memories between like
These long periods of nothing
Good and bad
You and Cain would be in them now Noctis
King, soldier, whatever
I've never had friends like you
And I don't think I ever will again
So many times I like
Got so fucking close to an actual goodbye
Just let me say it to your face next time
I've never been allowed to say it
Even if I don't go anywhere and we like
Wind up on the same planet with you
I want to know that I've told someone once
no subject
For Jonas to so easily say he hasn't had a bond as strong as this in his past makes his heart ache, knowing what little he does about what he's endured. And... isn't it the same for Cain? Facing his demons alone, unsupported, and understandably angry. It's enough to convince him to reach out after he's finished talking with Jonas, to try to solidify that tenuous bond between them.
He can't now. Not when this current conversation has him so caught up, rereading a text that convinces him of something he hasn't yet put into words in his mind. ]
That's a big thing to ask me for Jonas
no subject
And loop after loop of his life dangled in front of him what he's never been allowed to have.
It's selfish. He knows that. All his life he's done nothing but make his loved ones concerned about him. Angry with him. But he needs it too desperately to stop himself from asking. )
Please, man
I'm not gonna go off and get myself killed
I promise
It's just in case
I just want to say it just in case
no subject
It's okay
I wasn't gonna say no. Whenever you're ready we can do it
no subject
Finally. )
Thanks
Thank you
We can both say it, and I won't like ever forget
Like only having to do it once ever
Then every other time after we can say see you later and stuff
I feel like this is good
Right?
It's the best way of doing it
ykwim
no subject
[ He repeats it again, as if maybe he can will a tone he means to comfort to come through in his texts. In Jonas's he hears his anxiety, the way he speaks choppily when he's tense to avoid silence. He'd done it the other night too. ]
We'll say it so it's said, and if we wanna say it again later we can. You don't have to make a promise either way
Deal?
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That sounds good thanks man
Are you doing okay?
Like with everything going on
I just feel like we didn't talk after we were failing miserably at stargazing
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Idk things were going pretty well until that convo last night. Ig most of it wasn't a wash tho, I got to learn about your drunken parties
And Cain's holiday arena or w/e
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Dick measuring contests apparently
We didn't get to hear about yours too much
Like did you celebrate year end holidays or stuff like Christmas?
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And it wasn't the right audience for it. Hard to talk about that w/o saying where I was at the time
[ The Citadel. A palace, more or less, and one Cain doesn't know about. There are some easy obvious truths to be inferred – Jonas isn't the only one with truths unsaid to other members of their group. ]
I learned about Christmas through the records here, we don't have it. The new year is a big deal tho. Fancy parties, usually at the Citadel or a hotel or smth. This year was better even with the fuck up
no subject
It's how it's supposed to go. Drip-feed friends information and they won't spook and run off. )
I think so too
Though I'm trying really hard to picture you in a tux now
Sorry bout it
tbh I think you'd look better in one of those fishing hats with hooks and crap hanging off them
In a tackle vest yk?
And you stand there like such a dad with your hands on your hips like
"Ahhh the fish'll be biting today yes siree"
Or like "I'll rustle us up some grub" lol
no subject
Like with a cummerbund and bowtie? Lol not in a million years, I think you're forgetting that I actually have really good taste and it's getting you confused
So how about you invent another doppelganger for me like you did when we met and he can wear the shitty outfits while I just take the tackles and extra fishing line
[ Yeah, that's right. He still hasn't forgotten about that strange chapter in their history. ]
no subject
wipes his eyes, sitting up a bit straighter )
Don't even go there that was so creepy
Besides I really like the mental imagine of YOU wearing a cummerbund
Lol
😌
Hey when we can, we should go
Fishing the second we're not surrounded by a bunch of crappy sand
That's how we can celebrate new years
Set your standards bar high for all future new years
no subject
[ With softer features, fluffier hair, and more luminous eyes. Uncanny......
The offer stops his teasing, however, head tilting as he considers it. ]
Fr? You wanna fish with me
You
After all you said about it
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I was teasing you nerd lmao
Yeah I wanna fish with you
We can cook it after😛
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Okay
Then we say our goodbyes, sit together, and fish.
Deal?
1/2
Okay
2/2
We never did stargaze really
We kind of got distracted
That can be the night portion?
For real this time
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How does he reconcile the two? ]
You sure?
Last time I thought you were gonna freeze to death
[ calmly projects... ]
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sorry...
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now I'm sorry...
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