You mean letting Cain in on some of my info? yk we can dissolve the group chat if you guys want We all really tried, so if it's not working, you shouldn't feel pressured either way
idk if you want to hear a solution rn though or if you want to just get it off your chest Tell me to shut it if you wanna vent
[ It's a bit more forceful now as he realizes that he doesn't know how to communicate it either. And for the response to be a suggestion to dissolve their chat is... extreme to him, and unintended. It's enough to spook him away from a topic he's already ill-equipped to discuss. ]
Long term? I hit you with a lot of long term before. Long term is saying bye to this place and getting back to Eos
I genuinely don't know Are you looking for a specific answer? I'm miserable and I'm trying not to be miserable Short term I'd like to live Long term I'd like to live It's pretty instinctual over here lol
ik I can But like where would I even start? How do you talk about something you don't even understand? Like I'm genuinely not trying to be a dick but I don't know what you want Maybe we do need to ask specifics It's a little fucked up to think about all at once I'm sure you feel the same about your long term
But all I want you to know more than anything rn is I'm here for you. I can't go through it for you but I can be here while you do. Everything else we can do one day at a time if you want
Did you know that you can apparently kill ghosts with salt? Yeah, Dean told me Then he told me to basically drown myself in the ocean to purge my body of them if they're possessing me or whatever Which is funny because they came from the water and I did drown None of that helped
People always assume they can do something It's not Dean's fault, I'm sure holding a thrashing kid's head underwater helps a lot back whenever he's from But solutions don't work, nothing we've tried ever does And we came up with a literally infinite number of plans to stop it lol
So all I've ever really wanted is someone to just hold my hand and tell me that it won't be okay That I'll probably be fucked but I gave it my best shot and that was actually good enough for once ofc you'll watch me go through it Because ik you're there for me when you're like literally the only other person who is
He'd talked to him about demons, about his role in his world, about Earth's hidden side. And he'd thought of Jonas. Wondering if he might apply some of that knowledge to help him. Exactly what Jonas expresses frustration with now, and he can guess why. Failing, again and again, brings with it its own knowledge. And how tired must he be of having to hope each time, for his own or someone else's sake? ]
You want me to be honest?
Being here from a world no one else gets, it makes it obvious how different all the rules are. Earth and Eos. Eos and Mars. Earth and Earth. What works for him wouldn't work where I'm from. Didn't for you
I offered you what I did bc I never want you to go back there. If you did I'd be the same as him, throwing a bunch of ideas at smth you've already tried to solve
I agreed to say goodbye to you bc I don't know what this place is gonna let me do. If smth changes before I can make sure you're safe in Eos. I'm gonna fight for that. I don't wanna think about anything else
( What a text. Really, what a fucking text; he's pissed at it, because it should be remembered somewhere. Hanging on his wall or something, framed by platinum and titled.
He doesn't know what to say, really. Noctis refuses to let him fight alone, wants to fight for him instead, and a smirk juts out from the corner of Jonas' mouth. Of course, he does. Because that's the kind of King he is. )
No one has ever said anything like that to me before And to me it's a real novelty to hear something new
[ When he composes it, he's ready to apologize. It's not accepting failure, not when he intends to fight, and it's not quite telling Jonas that things aren't okay either. His mouth doesn't want to form the words, exactly.
So even though it's not something he'll take back and it's how he feels, he expects the very real possibility of this kicking up into a vent for Jonas's understandable frustrations. What he doesn't expect is something that's equally a novelty to him in return.
He doesn't cry, or even tear up. But it'd be a lie if he said he didn't want to. ]
It's not a competition with us
But if it were I'd be playing catch up after all you did for me before yk. I don't think you get it.
Sorry if this is super private but you don't seem like you're used to kindness Or at least like someone hugging you or telling you you can feel however I think that should change so idk if ever you're curious about any of it, I'm cool with that My mom was super affectionate, and that just caught on for me and my dad I'll never turn you away if you need something
[ Hugging him. Telling him his feelings are valid. Any gesture of physical affection that isn't inherently violent or used to tease. Without plausible deniability, it doesn't feel acceptable. ]
Idk. I can try. It's just different for me
But I wish I could've had a chance to meet your mom. Maybe I could tell her how much of her rubbed off on you. That you turned out okay, even with how lame you are. Those parts are good too
She was prob lame about some stuff too. So meeting you's like meeting half of her
( His vision blurs reading Noctis' next texts. God, he feels like a crybaby, and that's whatever, but with all of the gut-punches he's been experiencing lately, this is tipping him over the edge.
Hugging him, touching his hair, holding his waist, nearly kissing him in the cold dark... Jonas wishes he could rewind to that moment by the wing of his ship and ask Noctis for his permission to do so. It's almost impossible to stop himself now, with his thumbs shaking over the keyboard of his datapad.
To be compared so closely to his mom is the highest compliment anyone could give him. To admit he's blushing would be an understatement when his face feels like it's on fire. )
Saying this kind of thing to me lol You're seriously trying me
I'm not trying to mess with you, yk that right? If I ever push it just lmk. Sometimes they're hard for me to talk about too
[ Noctis, predictably, misunderstands. Gently, and with good intent, but a misunderstanding nevertheless. It doesn't mean Jonas's next words don't furrow his brow, forcing him to take a moment to himself. ]
Thanks Jonas
From what I heard about her, I think my mom would've felt the same with you. I'll have to keep an eye on you tho, for her sake
I'm not saying you're messing with me, man I'm just sensitive, so the things you say to me are worth a lot Like talking so nicely about my mom and saying you gotta watch my back for her Telling me your mom would like me too
Do you know what I mean?
( Of course, Noctis doesn't. Jonas doesn't even know what he's trying to say.
Maybe they can discuss it next time they're together, openly and frankly. Maybe on that day of fishing, quiet contemplation, and stargazing, after he's had time to organize his thoughts. About his fondness for Cain. About his fondness for Noctis.
nvm idek what I'm going on about lol, just listen I gotta go but I'll text you later What was your mom's name? Like real quick before I go, I just wanna know first
But he remembers how it felt when Jonas spoke to him gently after he told him about his father. Even if he never said Regis's name and the topic strayed so quickly from love to despair, he felt what it was to share a little piece of that part of himself and have it accepted. It felt like a different kind of love. ]
Sure np, this morning's kind of crazy
Thx for reaching out and talking. It helped, so if it helped you too that's good enough for me. And we can keep talking about it later if you want
About Suze. [ It fits. It sounds warm, inviting somehow. He isn't sure he could explain it. ]
Pushing outside into the sand, he chokes out a distressed "Yeah, okay," as though Noctis can hear him. Overwhelmed, he doesn't write back. Not when it'd be so much easier to sink into the strong affection he was finally feeling instead of grief and anxiety.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ Then all he has to do with that is to trust both of them. And he finds, shockingly, that he does. ]
Short term is better
But last night threw me off ig. Not you, me
And sometimes the convos with all three of us are harder
no subject
yk we can dissolve the group chat if you guys want
We all really tried, so if it's not working, you shouldn't feel pressured either way
idk if you want to hear a solution rn though or if you want to just get it off your chest
Tell me to shut it if you wanna vent
no subject
The gc's cool, seriously forget that part. I'll just actually reread my texts before I send them next time 👍
I told you short terms better. Getting out of this camp and doing anything else will help
no subject
idrk what you're talking about though man
Sorry I'm just confused
Maybe like
What's your long term?
You wanna talk about it?
no subject
[ It's a bit more forceful now as he realizes that he doesn't know how to communicate it either. And for the response to be a suggestion to dissolve their chat is... extreme to him, and unintended. It's enough to spook him away from a topic he's already ill-equipped to discuss. ]
Long term? I hit you with a lot of long term before. Long term is saying bye to this place and getting back to Eos
It's a lot to think about rn
Can you tell me what's on your mind too?
no subject
Are you looking for a specific answer?
I'm miserable and I'm trying not to be miserable
Short term I'd like to live
Long term I'd like to live
It's pretty instinctual over here lol
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I get that it repeats a lot, but yk you can talk to me when you need to right
About w/e
no subject
But like where would I even start?
How do you talk about something you don't even understand?
Like I'm genuinely not trying to be a dick but I don't know what you want
Maybe we do need to ask specifics
It's a little fucked up to think about all at once
I'm sure you feel the same about your long term
no subject
I can get more specific, sure
But all I want you to know more than anything rn is I'm here for you. I can't go through it for you but I can be here while you do. Everything else we can do one day at a time if you want
no subject
Yeah, Dean told me
Then he told me to basically drown myself in the ocean to purge my body of them if they're possessing me or whatever
Which is funny because they came from the water and I did drown
None of that helped
People always assume they can do something
It's not Dean's fault, I'm sure holding a thrashing kid's head underwater helps a lot back whenever he's from
But solutions don't work, nothing we've tried ever does
And we came up with a literally infinite number of plans to stop it lol
So all I've ever really wanted is someone to just hold my hand and tell me that it won't be okay
That I'll probably be fucked but I gave it my best shot and that was actually good enough for once
ofc you'll watch me go through it
Because ik you're there for me when you're like literally the only other person who is
Tangent fucking over
1/2
He'd talked to him about demons, about his role in his world, about Earth's hidden side. And he'd thought of Jonas. Wondering if he might apply some of that knowledge to help him. Exactly what Jonas expresses frustration with now, and he can guess why. Failing, again and again, brings with it its own knowledge. And how tired must he be of having to hope each time, for his own or someone else's sake? ]
You want me to be honest?
Being here from a world no one else gets, it makes it obvious how different all the rules are. Earth and Eos. Eos and Mars. Earth and Earth. What works for him wouldn't work where I'm from. Didn't for you
I offered you what I did bc I never want you to go back there. If you did I'd be the same as him, throwing a bunch of ideas at smth you've already tried to solve
I agreed to say goodbye to you bc I don't know what this place is gonna let me do. If smth changes before I can make sure you're safe in Eos. I'm gonna fight for that. I don't wanna think about anything else
But until we know
2/2
I'm not far. You want your hand held, you don't have to tell me why
Just tell me when
sorry...
He doesn't know what to say, really. Noctis refuses to let him fight alone, wants to fight for him instead, and a smirk juts out from the corner of Jonas' mouth. Of course, he does. Because that's the kind of King he is. )
No one has ever said anything like that to me before
And to me it's a real novelty to hear something new
I love you for that, man
Thanks
no subject
So even though it's not something he'll take back and it's how he feels, he expects the very real possibility of this kicking up into a vent for Jonas's understandable frustrations. What he doesn't expect is something that's equally a novelty to him in return.
He doesn't cry, or even tear up. But it'd be a lie if he said he didn't want to. ]
It's not a competition with us
But if it were I'd be playing catch up after all you did for me before yk. I don't think you get it.
You deserve it
no subject
I'll always be here for you, whenever
Sorry if this is super private but you don't seem like you're used to kindness
Or at least like someone hugging you or telling you you can feel however
I think that should change so
idk if ever you're curious about any of it, I'm cool with that
My mom was super affectionate, and that just caught on for me and my dad
I'll never turn you away if you need something
now I'm sorry...
[ Hugging him. Telling him his feelings are valid. Any gesture of physical affection that isn't inherently violent or used to tease. Without plausible deniability, it doesn't feel acceptable. ]
Idk. I can try. It's just different for me
But I wish I could've had a chance to meet your mom. Maybe I could tell her how much of her rubbed off on you. That you turned out okay, even with how lame you are. Those parts are good too
She was prob lame about some stuff too. So meeting you's like meeting half of her
🤬
Hugging him, touching his hair, holding his waist, nearly kissing him in the cold dark... Jonas wishes he could rewind to that moment by the wing of his ship and ask Noctis for his permission to do so. It's almost impossible to stop himself now, with his thumbs shaking over the keyboard of his datapad.
To be compared so closely to his mom is the highest compliment anyone could give him. To admit he's blushing would be an understatement when his face feels like it's on fire. )
Saying this kind of thing to me lol
You're seriously trying me
2/2
You're a good influence on me
no subject
[ Noctis, predictably, misunderstands. Gently, and with good intent, but a misunderstanding nevertheless. It doesn't mean Jonas's next words don't furrow his brow, forcing him to take a moment to himself. ]
Thanks Jonas
From what I heard about her, I think my mom would've felt the same with you. I'll have to keep an eye on you tho, for her sake
What was her name?
1/3
Suzanne
She preferred Suze
She thought it sounded younger
2/3
I'm just sensitive, so the things you say to me are worth a lot
Like talking so nicely about my mom and saying you gotta watch my back for her
Telling me your mom would like me too
Do you know what I mean?
( Of course, Noctis doesn't. Jonas doesn't even know what he's trying to say.
Maybe they can discuss it next time they're together, openly and frankly. Maybe on that day of fishing, quiet contemplation, and stargazing, after he's had time to organize his thoughts. About his fondness for Cain. About his fondness for Noctis.
Maybe then. )
3/3
I gotta go but I'll text you later
What was your mom's name?
Like real quick before I go, I just wanna know first
no subject
But he remembers how it felt when Jonas spoke to him gently after he told him about his father. Even if he never said Regis's name and the topic strayed so quickly from love to despair, he felt what it was to share a little piece of that part of himself and have it accepted. It felt like a different kind of love. ]
Sure np, this morning's kind of crazy
Thx for reaching out and talking. It helped, so if it helped you too that's good enough for me. And we can keep talking about it later if you want
About Suze. [ It fits. It sounds warm, inviting somehow. He isn't sure he could explain it. ]
Or about my mom. Aulea
no subject
Pushing outside into the sand, he chokes out a distressed "Yeah, okay," as though Noctis can hear him. Overwhelmed, he doesn't write back. Not when it'd be so much easier to sink into the strong affection he was finally feeling instead of grief and anxiety.
Not when he has to see Cain. Needs to see Cain. )