[ What else can he say? One word feels insufficient, but it's better than picking the wrong ones and trying to pretend like this is anything less than equally overwhelming to him right now. He doesn't want to lay more on Jonas. But he doesn't want to lie to him either. ]
I don't know how this gets fixed. But ik it ends with us still being friends. So give me some time to fill in the rest okay
I told you I gave him shit bc I did. But I thought we were okay still. Idk he hasn't talked to me since it happened so maybe I was wrong
Well, at least there's that, he thinks. Not best friends, not in Noctis' estimation, because his best friends are back on Eos. So, good friends, maybe.
( Bowing his head over his phone, he tightly clutches it. His last connection to Earth and the life he used to lead. Files in megabytes and kilobytes of pictures formed by pixels on a six-point-four-inch screen, measured diagonally.
It's all dust compared to the scope of everything, but to him, it feels like the entire universe. )
I don't want to be just friends I want to be your boyfriend
[ He knows. And yet reading it stated so simply and openly like that still feels almost physically painful. His chest is tight with a strange mixture of emotions, gratified and excited to hear that from him still but regretful, anguished over the complications that make it impossible for him to just say yes, me too, where are you, I need to see you. ]
You don't know what that means to me. I'm serious
I said I need time with this. Before I can say anything else. Is that okay?
[ As much as he may not want to. Every burden feels unmanageable on his shoulders, but it's intolerable on anyone else's. Anger finds its easiest target in the closest people, and who's closer than yourself? ]
But none of this has been easy. Idk maybe it isn't supposed to be yet
I just know I'm not leaving you until you tell me to go. Even then I'm not making promises. Not when you say stuff like that
When Jonas says it he can almost believe it. Loving others has always been easier than loving himself, and based on how his friend speaks he senses he feels the same way. So how precious is it that he can see a reflection of his own good qualities in Jonas's eyes when he's speaking to him so sincerely? It makes him want to do better. Not just self-deprecate now when he feels he's betrayed him somehow with his own emotions.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ What else can he say? One word feels insufficient, but it's better than picking the wrong ones and trying to pretend like this is anything less than equally overwhelming to him right now. He doesn't want to lay more on Jonas. But he doesn't want to lie to him either. ]
I don't know how this gets fixed. But ik it ends with us still being friends. So give me some time to fill in the rest okay
I told you I gave him shit bc I did. But I thought we were okay still. Idk he hasn't talked to me since it happened so maybe I was wrong
1/2
Well, at least there's that, he thinks. Not best friends, not in Noctis' estimation, because his best friends are back on Eos. So, good friends, maybe.
Except Jonas is only ever rarely "good."
Friends, then.
Just friends. )
2/2
It's all dust compared to the scope of everything, but to him, it feels like the entire universe. )
I don't want to be just friends
I want to be your boyfriend
no subject
You don't know what that means to me. I'm serious
I said I need time with this. Before I can say anything else. Is that okay?
no subject
Like it's just a lot to decide by yourself so
idk if you think of anything you wanna talk about just lmk okay
Sorry I made this so difficult
no subject
[ Having complex feelings for two people. Entertaining both while trying to commit to one. How is he such an idiot? At least Jonas could see it. ]
Things won't stay as quiet between us this time, deal?
1/2
I'd prefer it ig
But yeah
Deal
no subject
idk I'll accept anything but us ghosting each other
I won't ever do that
no subject
[ As much as he may not want to. Every burden feels unmanageable on his shoulders, but it's intolerable on anyone else's. Anger finds its easiest target in the closest people, and who's closer than yourself? ]
But none of this has been easy. Idk maybe it isn't supposed to be yet
I just know I'm not leaving you until you tell me to go. Even then I'm not making promises. Not when you say stuff like that
no subject
Like things I've never heard anybody say before
Maybe it's bc you're crazy or just the nicest person I've ever met
Take whatever time you need
I'll be here
🎀
When Jonas says it he can almost believe it. Loving others has always been easier than loving himself, and based on how his friend speaks he senses he feels the same way. So how precious is it that he can see a reflection of his own good qualities in Jonas's eyes when he's speaking to him so sincerely? It makes him want to do better. Not just self-deprecate now when he feels he's betrayed him somehow with his own emotions.
He has to fix this. ]
Thanks. I mean it.
It won't be long.