( The longer he stares at Noctis, the drier his eyes become. Tears only begin to drip when the burning sets in and Kaladin blinks, his mind rushing his body to eliminate the momentary discomfort. Then there's no excuse for him not to cry when he hears Noctis' "okay."
He takes a deep breath, nodding hurriedly in compliance with the sweet, stammered return of his feelings. )
I do. ( An Oath is sworn. It weaves itself inseparably into his powers and the Nahel bond he shares with Sylphrena, and Kaladin chooses to consider it a comfort. There's no halfheartedly dating a Radiant, he knows... not when their words tend to be considered holy doctrine by some. He doesn't intend to break this promise to love Noctis completely, therefore it won't be an issue.
In the wake of their confessions, his next action is to wade through the blue light of reception. Noctis' hands are lifted within his, letting their natural pull guide them together. Kaladin joins him there in an apologetic loom—because while Alethi are tall, he's even taller. The Lucian prince is contrastingly petite, with narrow shoulders and an even narrower waist.
That must leave the onus on me, Kaladin thinks. He sniffs to clear the emotional ache in his face, sweeping a thumb across Noctis' knuckles. )
[ Soft blue light reflects off tears and his reaction is immediate, squeezing even tighter into his hold on Kaladin's hands not just to offer an instinctive comfort but to keep him from drawing too far away. Having him circle the counter is as appeasing as it is intimidating, head tipped back to keep him in sight.
He's always known that Kaladin was tall. Taller even than Gladio, a man who's been like a brother to him his whole life, stalwart and strong. But before it was trivia. Now it sends a jolt up his spine, one that's setting his nerves alight. It feels crazy that they're standing here like this, and when Kaladin asks that sweet question it's like the bubble of disbelief finally bursts.
His laugh is sudden and unpracticed, hoarse within a tight throat as he finally jerks one hand free but not to separate them. Instead it reaches higher, brushing knuckles against Kaladin's cheek with a little too much force to wipe away tears that match those stinging his own eyes. Physical affection has always been in short supply for the prince, but for once he isn't nervous. He knows by now that Kaladin won't judge that. ]
Seriously?
Up until now you've just... done whatever you wanted. Been a huge pain. Now you want permission...
( Kaladin's jaw works against the first shiver Noctis sends up his spine. He's never allowed another man to touch him like this, so while he has intimate experience in months-long relationships, this feels brand new. Knuckles are rough, and he likes how different they are from brushes of soft fingers.
With permission, he thanks Noctis for it, sweeping him into his arms.
The crown of Noctis' head barely comes up to Kaladin's shoulder. He's not supposed to find it endearing; even Alethi are sensitive about their heights. But storm it, he does anyway, and there's very little chance he can be convinced otherwise. It's the way they fit together—their mismatch and the perfection of that—that makes Kaladin smile again. This time, it's against him, in feathery black hair that tickles his nose. )
I was afraid that, uh... ( His voice, still thick with emotion, softly wavers. ) That you wouldn't feel the same. That you weren't attracted to me. And then we argued...
After that, I knew. I wanted to tell you my feelings earlier, but I was ashamed. I'm so sorry.
[ Earlier this week he was afraid of the possibility of losing his friend. Now, pulled into an embrace that he meets with reflexively tightened shoulders and an equal swell of gratitude, any witty comebacks are robbed from him.
Those rough gestures and teasing words are a comfortable realm for him to show affection, but he underestimates how this can make him feel. Completely wrapped up in him, safe. While Kaladin continues to confess what's on his heart and mind, far better with words than his younger partner has ever managed to be. He doesn't need to hear any reasons why he might've held himself back, not when there are a hundred complications between the two of them. How could he hold that against him, when it took both of them working together to reach where they are now?
Each second that passes encourages him to sink into that hold in a way he can't ever remember having done before, and by the time he realizes just how long he's stayed silent he's lifted both arms, wrapping one and then the other tight around him in return. Fingers twist into the cloth of his shirt to ensure he can't pull away, focused on the unsteady thumps of Kaladin's heart beat as he tries and fails to control his own emotions. It's as if being pulled into that hug has amplified all of them, any barriers rapidly crumbling in the face of pure affection. ]
Don't say sorry. [ The words are finally breathed out, his own voice equally affected and tight. ] This is... you don't know what you've done for me.
( This is the intimacy he took for granted. Lyn was liberal with her affections, and though he spent months trying to match that verve, Kaladin could never return to how he initially felt for her. They never loved each other.
It won't be like that this time. He has a chance to do it right with Noctis.
He shudders as fingers stretch his shirt, muscles twinging at each brush of their bodies. Foreign, to have a strong, masculine frame against him. Alethkar accepts homosexuality reluctantly, and only if there are oaths between partners made and kept. It will be difficult to unwind years of complex knots of denial and societal expectation.
That doesn't mean he can't also find it electric. )
Then tell me. ( A gentle urge, Kaladin's hug changing. Warm hands spread down Noctis' back, cradling there as if it's begun to ache. ) You can tell me anything.
[ Shoulders hitch further as traveling hands sweep low, securing Kaladin's hold and offering warmth where he once felt destabilizing pain. That memory is distant when this feels so safe. ]
I, ah... [ Fingers flex, tightening their hold before he forces them to relax and spread against a shoulder blade. He tips forward, forehead pressing to Kaladin's collar both to hide his expression and to maximize the attention he can draw from him in this moment. He wants to remember every second of it. ]
I've never done anything like this. Forget what I even think, there's no way anyone would try to get close. [ Except Kaladin. He's given him something he thought he might never get to experience, no matter how long they have or don't have. ]
( He's sightlessly staring ahead, eyes losing focus when Noctis pillows his head on his chest. This close, he'll hear Kaladin's breaths and how quickly his heart is beating, won't he?
Rather than hear Noctis', Kaladin can feel them. Hot exhalations warm his shirt, and where his hands spread, he swears there's a pulse there. It could stem from his fingertips when they're so firm in their grasp of narrow hips... Storms, he should be embarrassed, maybe shier, but it's liberating in a way he can't describe. )
... No one? ( Whispered disbelievingly against the crown of Noctis' head. Lips move against soft hair. ) Because of your birthright, right? I understand somewhat. It was wise to tell me only when you were ready. I... I might not have been if it'd happened sooner.
Of course, ( he adds, ) that'd have made me a storming idiot.
[ He's sure he's flushed. He must be, with Kaladin's fingers stirring up those butterflies in his stomach again while he focuses on the breath playing against his hair. It's... overwhelming. ]
Don't even start... [ Though rather than warning Kaladin against the topic of their largest argument to date, he embraces it. He's too exhilarated to be angry and there's a laugh hidden behind those words, keeping his punishment to a light butt of his head against Kaladin's shoulder. ]
Yeah, because of my birthright... even having to say it out loud feels weird.
You have any idea how big a deal this would be on Eos? You'd have to be crazy to put yourself through that...
( Noctis laughs, and it's hard to resist joining in. Kaladin gets close, shoulders tensing as though he might, but allows himself to feel content instead.
Happiness over fear... They could be Noctis' Immortal Words—a Radiant Ideal. Choosing the path that makes you happy instead of sacrificing that for others. )
I know I'm a few arrows short of a full quiver. Thanks.
( They tiptoe the line between serious and not; Kaladin's appreciation for this mood is one he feels deeply protective of. Movement over Noctis' head suggests Kaladin's drawn back, and he has so that he can look down at his companion to memorize how they're arranged. )
So are you. Dating a Radiant isn't the easiest job... though I suppose dating a Prince is more impressive. Know that I'll never begrudge you the difference in salary, ( he jokes, gently tracing Noctis' spine north.
Fingers travel past shoulder blades and up the back of an elegant neck. This is where he cradles next, feeling downy hair between his knuckles. )
... I'm in awe of you, Noctis. Your strength. Your resolve. I need you to know that.
Damn, he's so old-fashioned, the kind of man Noctis might call terminally uncool while trying to decide if that wraps around to actually be cool in the end. What a loser... and one he can acknowledge now that he's had an untenable crush on for weeks, charmed by his awkwardness and drawn in by his sincerity and vulnerability. ]
Good, I don't wanna' hear it. Not when you're in healthcare and when most of what I make here goes back into upkeep... [ Kaladin eases back and Noctis almost immediately does the same, trying not to seem too eager to meet his eyes again and loosen up a touch that's making him dizzy.
But he chose the wrong time.
Eyes meet as Kaladin speaks and his own go wide for one uneasy moment, smile frozen on his face but not to be replaced with worry, sadness, or frustration. Instead, it softens into something reflective. ]
Hey, come on... You're seriously so unfiltered. I don't think there's another guy on Earth like you right now. [ And maybe it's a gentle deflection from an overwhelmed young man who needs time to accept that beautiful sentiment, but he means every word. No one else could make him feel like this, he's sure of it. ]
You're gonna' have to let go too, you know. At least if you wanna' drink that beer I poured for you. [ So says Noctis, while still holding on himself. ]
( This must be the longest he's worn a smile in years. Noctis has a way of bringing it out of him and sustaining it, and when it fades physically, mentally it remains. Like a sun spot behind his eyelids when he blinks.
Gazing down, he fondly watches emotions cycle in wide, blue eyes. It'd be unfair to push Noctis to accept his words, not when it'd be just as difficult for him to. As long as he can leave the arcade tonight knowing—certain—they were genuine, Kaladin will be satisfied. )
... And you know you'll have to let go of my shirt for me to do that. ( Retribution is SWIFT. Loath as he is to remove his hands, they come away so Kaladin can rest his forearms on Noctis' shoulders. The perfect height... )
By now, the head on our beers has probably settled. Let's sit together, or... take them up to the roof. Would you like that?
All at once he's letting go with a dismissive turn of his head, though one not fast enough to hide briefly pursed lips. It's the only way to stop his own smile, wrestling it into submission so he can stop trying to match Kaladin's. One that's sweet. One that's honest. One that's far too handsome. ]
Get over yourself. I just didn't want to make you feel unwanted by pulled back first, that's all. [ Even as hands resettle instead overtop forearms, hooking them with a raised chin in defiance of flushed cheeks. ]
Aa-ah... and your beer, I don't need one. I'm breaking the rules for just you. [ Even now, he maintains his pretense. ]
Whatever. ( Said like a teenage girl and with the exact same facial expression. Kaladin has half a mind to scoop him up into another hug. A bolder one this time, something Noctis can't easily get out of. He could crush him to his chest inches off the floor, carry him wherever he wants.
But gazing at Noctis' stars with him sounds far better than even that. )
You can lie all you want, but you're an open book to me; you don't even like beer. Do you think I care about that? I stick to orange wine back home. Then I came here and learned that pretty well everyone calls that "juice." ( To make the absurdity of the situation clear, he slides his forearms out from beneath Noctis' grip and takes him by the hands. ) I'm a holy warrior who drinks juice at taverns.
( He draws away finally, but not without lingering in his partner's space with a small sway. It'll be hard to be separate from him when they're later forced to return to the dormitories. This is... practice. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He takes a deep breath, nodding hurriedly in compliance with the sweet, stammered return of his feelings. )
I do. ( An Oath is sworn. It weaves itself inseparably into his powers and the Nahel bond he shares with Sylphrena, and Kaladin chooses to consider it a comfort. There's no halfheartedly dating a Radiant, he knows... not when their words tend to be considered holy doctrine by some. He doesn't intend to break this promise to love Noctis completely, therefore it won't be an issue.
In the wake of their confessions, his next action is to wade through the blue light of reception. Noctis' hands are lifted within his, letting their natural pull guide them together. Kaladin joins him there in an apologetic loom—because while Alethi are tall, he's even taller. The Lucian prince is contrastingly petite, with narrow shoulders and an even narrower waist.
That must leave the onus on me, Kaladin thinks. He sniffs to clear the emotional ache in his face, sweeping a thumb across Noctis' knuckles. )
I... want to hold you. May I?
no subject
He's always known that Kaladin was tall. Taller even than Gladio, a man who's been like a brother to him his whole life, stalwart and strong. But before it was trivia. Now it sends a jolt up his spine, one that's setting his nerves alight. It feels crazy that they're standing here like this, and when Kaladin asks that sweet question it's like the bubble of disbelief finally bursts.
His laugh is sudden and unpracticed, hoarse within a tight throat as he finally jerks one hand free but not to separate them. Instead it reaches higher, brushing knuckles against Kaladin's cheek with a little too much force to wipe away tears that match those stinging his own eyes. Physical affection has always been in short supply for the prince, but for once he isn't nervous. He knows by now that Kaladin won't judge that. ]
Seriously?
Up until now you've just... done whatever you wanted. Been a huge pain. Now you want permission...
You've already got it.
no subject
With permission, he thanks Noctis for it, sweeping him into his arms.
The crown of Noctis' head barely comes up to Kaladin's shoulder. He's not supposed to find it endearing; even Alethi are sensitive about their heights. But storm it, he does anyway, and there's very little chance he can be convinced otherwise. It's the way they fit together—their mismatch and the perfection of that—that makes Kaladin smile again. This time, it's against him, in feathery black hair that tickles his nose. )
I was afraid that, uh... ( His voice, still thick with emotion, softly wavers. ) That you wouldn't feel the same. That you weren't attracted to me. And then we argued...
After that, I knew. I wanted to tell you my feelings earlier, but I was ashamed. I'm so sorry.
no subject
Those rough gestures and teasing words are a comfortable realm for him to show affection, but he underestimates how this can make him feel. Completely wrapped up in him, safe. While Kaladin continues to confess what's on his heart and mind, far better with words than his younger partner has ever managed to be. He doesn't need to hear any reasons why he might've held himself back, not when there are a hundred complications between the two of them. How could he hold that against him, when it took both of them working together to reach where they are now?
Each second that passes encourages him to sink into that hold in a way he can't ever remember having done before, and by the time he realizes just how long he's stayed silent he's lifted both arms, wrapping one and then the other tight around him in return. Fingers twist into the cloth of his shirt to ensure he can't pull away, focused on the unsteady thumps of Kaladin's heart beat as he tries and fails to control his own emotions. It's as if being pulled into that hug has amplified all of them, any barriers rapidly crumbling in the face of pure affection. ]
Don't say sorry. [ The words are finally breathed out, his own voice equally affected and tight. ] This is... you don't know what you've done for me.
no subject
It won't be like that this time. He has a chance to do it right with Noctis.
He shudders as fingers stretch his shirt, muscles twinging at each brush of their bodies. Foreign, to have a strong, masculine frame against him. Alethkar accepts homosexuality reluctantly, and only if there are oaths between partners made and kept. It will be difficult to unwind years of complex knots of denial and societal expectation.
That doesn't mean he can't also find it electric. )
Then tell me. ( A gentle urge, Kaladin's hug changing. Warm hands spread down Noctis' back, cradling there as if it's begun to ache. ) You can tell me anything.
no subject
I, ah... [ Fingers flex, tightening their hold before he forces them to relax and spread against a shoulder blade. He tips forward, forehead pressing to Kaladin's collar both to hide his expression and to maximize the attention he can draw from him in this moment. He wants to remember every second of it. ]
I've never done anything like this. Forget what I even think, there's no way anyone would try to get close. [ Except Kaladin. He's given him something he thought he might never get to experience, no matter how long they have or don't have. ]
no subject
Rather than hear Noctis', Kaladin can feel them. Hot exhalations warm his shirt, and where his hands spread, he swears there's a pulse there. It could stem from his fingertips when they're so firm in their grasp of narrow hips... Storms, he should be embarrassed, maybe shier, but it's liberating in a way he can't describe. )
... No one? ( Whispered disbelievingly against the crown of Noctis' head. Lips move against soft hair. ) Because of your birthright, right? I understand somewhat. It was wise to tell me only when you were ready. I... I might not have been if it'd happened sooner.
Of course, ( he adds, ) that'd have made me a storming idiot.
no subject
Don't even start... [ Though rather than warning Kaladin against the topic of their largest argument to date, he embraces it. He's too exhilarated to be angry and there's a laugh hidden behind those words, keeping his punishment to a light butt of his head against Kaladin's shoulder. ]
Yeah, because of my birthright... even having to say it out loud feels weird.
You have any idea how big a deal this would be on Eos? You'd have to be crazy to put yourself through that...
no subject
Happiness over fear... They could be Noctis' Immortal Words—a Radiant Ideal. Choosing the path that makes you happy instead of sacrificing that for others. )
I know I'm a few arrows short of a full quiver. Thanks.
( They tiptoe the line between serious and not; Kaladin's appreciation for this mood is one he feels deeply protective of. Movement over Noctis' head suggests Kaladin's drawn back, and he has so that he can look down at his companion to memorize how they're arranged. )
So are you. Dating a Radiant isn't the easiest job... though I suppose dating a Prince is more impressive. Know that I'll never begrudge you the difference in salary, ( he jokes, gently tracing Noctis' spine north.
Fingers travel past shoulder blades and up the back of an elegant neck. This is where he cradles next, feeling downy hair between his knuckles. )
... I'm in awe of you, Noctis. Your strength. Your resolve. I need you to know that.
no subject
Damn, he's so old-fashioned, the kind of man Noctis might call terminally uncool while trying to decide if that wraps around to actually be cool in the end. What a loser... and one he can acknowledge now that he's had an untenable crush on for weeks, charmed by his awkwardness and drawn in by his sincerity and vulnerability. ]
Good, I don't wanna' hear it. Not when you're in healthcare and when most of what I make here goes back into upkeep... [ Kaladin eases back and Noctis almost immediately does the same, trying not to seem too eager to meet his eyes again and loosen up a touch that's making him dizzy.
But he chose the wrong time.
Eyes meet as Kaladin speaks and his own go wide for one uneasy moment, smile frozen on his face but not to be replaced with worry, sadness, or frustration. Instead, it softens into something reflective. ]
Hey, come on... You're seriously so unfiltered. I don't think there's another guy on Earth like you right now. [ And maybe it's a gentle deflection from an overwhelmed young man who needs time to accept that beautiful sentiment, but he means every word. No one else could make him feel like this, he's sure of it. ]
You're gonna' have to let go too, you know. At least if you wanna' drink that beer I poured for you. [ So says Noctis, while still holding on himself. ]
no subject
( This must be the longest he's worn a smile in years. Noctis has a way of bringing it out of him and sustaining it, and when it fades physically, mentally it remains. Like a sun spot behind his eyelids when he blinks.
Gazing down, he fondly watches emotions cycle in wide, blue eyes. It'd be unfair to push Noctis to accept his words, not when it'd be just as difficult for him to. As long as he can leave the arcade tonight knowing—certain—they were genuine, Kaladin will be satisfied. )
... And you know you'll have to let go of my shirt for me to do that. ( Retribution is SWIFT. Loath as he is to remove his hands, they come away so Kaladin can rest his forearms on Noctis' shoulders. The perfect height... )
By now, the head on our beers has probably settled. Let's sit together, or... take them up to the roof. Would you like that?
no subject
All at once he's letting go with a dismissive turn of his head, though one not fast enough to hide briefly pursed lips. It's the only way to stop his own smile, wrestling it into submission so he can stop trying to match Kaladin's. One that's sweet. One that's honest. One that's far too handsome. ]
Get over yourself. I just didn't want to make you feel unwanted by pulled back first, that's all. [ Even as hands resettle instead overtop forearms, hooking them with a raised chin in defiance of flushed cheeks. ]
Aa-ah... and your beer, I don't need one. I'm breaking the rules for just you. [ Even now, he maintains his pretense. ]
Roof, though. I wanna' see some stars if we can.
no subject
But gazing at Noctis' stars with him sounds far better than even that. )
You can lie all you want, but you're an open book to me; you don't even like beer. Do you think I care about that? I stick to orange wine back home. Then I came here and learned that pretty well everyone calls that "juice." ( To make the absurdity of the situation clear, he slides his forearms out from beneath Noctis' grip and takes him by the hands. ) I'm a holy warrior who drinks juice at taverns.
( He draws away finally, but not without lingering in his partner's space with a small sway. It'll be hard to be separate from him when they're later forced to return to the dormitories. This is... practice. )
Go on... grab something you like.