Good Because you have a right to know what judgements may be passed on you even if they're accidental and the social mores of my country don't apply to you
[ The neutrality doesn't surprise him now that they've had time to cool off. But the apology does.
Kaladin doesn't just ignore what they've discussed, he addresses it and accepts where he might've overstepped. How often has he done that with his own partners? ]
It's not like I didn't push you
Bc you're right. We're different. We'd be different where I'm from too, I get it, but I don't wanna be anything like the assholes that hurt you
( if they're talking about it, they should talk about all of it. )
There are two systems comprised of ten ranks each Nahn for dark eyes and dahn for light eyes
My family was of the second nahn That means I was raised two ranks below the lowest dahn of light eyes We lived comfortably for a time When I was a child
It's been years since then I'm now a third dahn
I know this isn't easy to follow but the short version of a very long story is that I'm like them now It's possible we share a similar status
[ "I don't think it's possible" is typed, then hurriedly deleted. The fact that Kaladin's social bearing is something he's able to follow competently is a sign of that, far too accustomed to the needless intricacy of hierarchy and bloodlines. ]
Then does that impact how you see me? I wanna know
[ How couldn't it, in some way or another? ]
And you said you rank higher now but you were comfortable back before that
I enlisted and served under a light eyed officer named Amaram I fought in years of border conflicts before I was removed by him He reduced me to the tenth nahn This is the rank of a slave
( at that time, he thought his life could get no worse. his eyes shut tightly.
noctis asks because noctis is kind. there is no ulterior motive; there is no trap, and he can be safe knowing that. even still, the fact that he has to explain is painful. though neither intended for it to happen, it has become kaladin's problem to deal with. it weighs on his soul. )
That impacts how I see everyone Noctis As hard as I try to separate this world from mine I will never succeed because I can never forget It's been branded into me
[ It's the easiest thing for him to latch onto, and to a man yet to begin his own journey into understanding his emotions and their expression, it's something he's proud of. Feeling pure anger on Kaladin's behalf, and a desire to punish anyone who's made him suffer. ]
I don't think you wanna hold onto that. So I get what you're saying. That it's just part of how you think
his throat constricts. to alleviate it, he clears his throat and works his jaw. )
Yes
( a single word addresses it all, but special attention is paid to the apology. he rarely hears one, and he can't even remember the last time. when king elhokar came to him to seek his counsel, maybe. )
You said it yourself already. I pushed you when you made it pretty obvious we were into smth you didn't wanna talk about. I'm not gonna say I regret it bc I think we needed to have this convo
But I'm sorry for what I did. And for what you had to deal with
( the apology is elaborated on, which has the effect noctis undoubtedly wanted. kaladin, astonished to the brink of tears, feels safe. he's no longer alone, shouting in the dark. he's listened to, validated, and reassured.
it's wonderful... why does it make him so sad? )
Yes They're okay My mother and father and my little brother
But my friend Rock
( kaladin forces himself to breath through his nose and out through clenched teeth. )
I know it hurt him to do what he did Being a pacifist was his pride and he killed with a bow for my sake I'm worried about him
I worry a lot of the time I worry about you and the rest of our comrades too This shouldn't be a weight on your shoulders Noctis Your apology is accepted and appreciated but what I bring from my world is my own Please don't let it control how you act around me
[ Both of his parents are still alive, then. It fills Noctis with an unexpected sense of relief... though what blindsides him more is the way his throat suddenly tightens at the mention of a younger brother. Why? Is it a well-intentioned envy that Kaladin has something he's always wanted? Or... is that a pang of fondness at imagining someone as firm as Kaladin softening in the presence of a little sibling, like Gladio had with Iris? ]
Good
Idk your friend but I've got a couple close ones too. Idk if it helps but I'd get more pride from helping them than most other things. So if he's like that too he made a hard choice but the one he wanted to
Nice try though thinking I'd change around you in the first place lol. I'm gonna be me, don't worry about that. Trust me you fixating on that's the last thing I want
( alone, his melancholia would convince him it's his fault rock broke a commitment; if he'd been stronger, he would've been the one to finish amaram and save his friend from this crisis.
kaladin's grateful for noctis' perspective. he was hoping to hear it, and it's shared in a way that's easy to understand and difficult to refute. with that need now met, he feels... better. )
I feel the same way It's hard to get out of my head sometimes I sometimes convince myself of things that aren't true
For what it's worth I do trust you Our interactions have been authentic and I doubt you have the patience to pretend you're someone you're not Not for long anyway
I'd like to hear about your close friends You must miss them
Like how you just convinced yourself that I have no patience when I've patiently dealt with you a ton already
[ The mood is heavy, deservedly so, but they both have earned a few lighter statements here and there. Right? Especially when the alternative is admitting that he knows very well what it's like to hide his real personality. And that he's better at it than he wants to be. ]
Thanks though. Tbh I feel the same way about you
And my friends would probably yell at me to be more careful or smth because they're overprotective and annoying all the time
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Because you have a right to know what judgements may be passed on you even if they're accidental and the social mores of my country don't apply to you
I apologize for suggesting otherwise
For what I said too
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Kaladin doesn't just ignore what they've discussed, he addresses it and accepts where he might've overstepped. How often has he done that with his own partners? ]
It's not like I didn't push you
Bc you're right. We're different. We'd be different where I'm from too, I get it, but I don't wanna be anything like the assholes that hurt you
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Sorry
There are similarities I obviously struggle with
It's not how you act around me
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Yeah
It's how I look right?
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It's hard to explain
A tenet of my kingdom's religion that became law generations ago
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Not just about looks, anything
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Attitude
Those born into that life are raised with everything
They become cruel and unempathetic because of it
This is not how you act
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I don't wanna miss anything, if we're talking about it we should talk about all of it
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But so is mine
( if they're talking about it, they should talk about all of it. )
There are two systems comprised of ten ranks each
Nahn for dark eyes and dahn for light eyes
My family was of the second nahn
That means I was raised two ranks below the lowest dahn of light eyes
We lived comfortably for a time
When I was a child
It's been years since then
I'm now a third dahn
I know this isn't easy to follow but the short version of a very long story is that I'm like them now
It's possible we share a similar status
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Then does that impact how you see me? I wanna know
[ How couldn't it, in some way or another? ]
And you said you rank higher now but you were comfortable back before that
Did smth happen?
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I fought in years of border conflicts before I was removed by him
He reduced me to the tenth nahn
This is the rank of a slave
( at that time, he thought his life could get no worse. his eyes shut tightly.
noctis asks because noctis is kind. there is no ulterior motive; there is no trap, and he can be safe knowing that. even still, the fact that he has to explain is painful. though neither intended for it to happen, it has become kaladin's problem to deal with. it weighs on his soul. )
That impacts how I see everyone Noctis
As hard as I try to separate this world from mine I will never succeed because I can never forget
It's been branded into me
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How can one person have that much power? Someone not even royal, not even a king, can wave a hand and determine the worth of someone else? ]
Kaladin
[ What does he say? What can he say? When he has no comprehension of what that life could be like, and likely never will. ]
2/2
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He was corrupted by a twisted spren
A being like Syl but ancient and terrible
My friend killed him to save me
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[ It's the easiest thing for him to latch onto, and to a man yet to begin his own journey into understanding his emotions and their expression, it's something he's proud of. Feeling pure anger on Kaladin's behalf, and a desire to punish anyone who's made him suffer. ]
I don't think you wanna hold onto that. So I get what you're saying. That it's just part of how you think
I'm sorry
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his throat constricts. to alleviate it, he clears his throat and works his jaw. )
Yes
( a single word addresses it all, but special attention is paid to the apology. he rarely hears one, and he can't even remember the last time. when king elhokar came to him to seek his counsel, maybe. )
You have nothing to be sorry for Noctis
But
Thank you
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You said it yourself already. I pushed you when you made it pretty obvious we were into smth you didn't wanna talk about. I'm not gonna say I regret it bc I think we needed to have this convo
But I'm sorry for what I did. And for what you had to deal with
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it's wonderful... why does it make him so sad? )
Yes
They're okay
My mother and father and my little brother
But my friend
Rock
( kaladin forces himself to breath through his nose and out through clenched teeth. )
I know it hurt him to do what he did
Being a pacifist was his pride and he killed with a bow for my sake
I'm worried about him
I worry a lot of the time
I worry about you and the rest of our comrades too
This shouldn't be a weight on your shoulders Noctis
Your apology is accepted and appreciated but what I bring from my world is my own
Please don't let it control how you act around me
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Good
Idk your friend but I've got a couple close ones too. Idk if it helps but I'd get more pride from helping them than most other things. So if he's like that too he made a hard choice but the one he wanted to
Nice try though thinking I'd change around you in the first place lol. I'm gonna be me, don't worry about that. Trust me you fixating on that's the last thing I want
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kaladin's grateful for noctis' perspective. he was hoping to hear it, and it's shared in a way that's easy to understand and difficult to refute. with that need now met, he feels... better. )
I feel the same way
It's hard to get out of my head sometimes
I sometimes convince myself of things that aren't true
For what it's worth I do trust you
Our interactions have been authentic and I doubt you have the patience to pretend you're someone you're not
Not for long anyway
I'd like to hear about your close friends
You must miss them
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Like how you just convinced yourself that I have no patience when I've patiently dealt with you a ton already
[ The mood is heavy, deservedly so, but they both have earned a few lighter statements here and there. Right? Especially when the alternative is admitting that he knows very well what it's like to hide his real personality. And that he's better at it than he wants to be. ]
Thanks though. Tbh I feel the same way about you
And my friends would probably yell at me to be more careful or smth because they're overprotective and annoying all the time
You'd fit right in with them
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I'm supposed to be patting you on the back for that
I feel like you're complimenting me but it sounds like an insult
If that's your relationship with them then that's good
Those seem to be the best kind
( ... )
I'll try not to let them down
Or you
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I wanna say it's an insult but not even close. That's just how we mess with each other
[ ...]
tbh you're right, I miss them a lot already even if it hasn't been that long. We've just gone through a lot together. So let's make a deal
I won't let your guys down and you won't let mine down. I'll make sure you get back to them safe and sound
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