( anxiety creeps up the back of his neck like hot fingers. )
My refusal to explain to you how my life was destroyed by people who look exactly like you Because you're my friend and I don't want to see you the same way When that's inevitably going to happen if you keep getting defensive like I predicted you would
[ He sits with the return message for longer than he wants to, temper sparked and hard for him to contend with as he stares at words that leave him conflicted.
"Friend"? ]
I'm the defensive one?
Forget it. You don't wanna talk about it? Fine. Convos over before I say something stupider
I wanted to talk about your world I told you that Instead you dismissed me
( it's not fair, kaladin knows, but this always seems to happen. he lashes out when he's hurt. he thinks it's a form of self-sabotage—his subconscious scraping at his patience from the inside, so when he needs to utilize it, it's full of holes.
he batters his relationships until they break.
that's what happened with lyn. considering her now frustrates him more. confuses him. she has nothing to do with this. )
Finish what you were going to say Say something stupider Call me defensive and whatever else
You seriously wanna do this? Because I don't, and now you're the asshole that's pushing
[ Which is something he wants clear before he gives in to that urge he was holding back by a thread, jaw working as replies form almost immediately. ]
I told you about my world and you ignored it bc you wanted to disagree with me. Who cares now right? You assuming you're gonna see bad in me without giving me a chance to talk about it or prove you wrong is obviously what's happening now
Kaladin falters and it saps the drive in him to push him to finish what he has to say, words spilling forth unfiltered where Noctis benefits at least from an ability to edit. Not that he takes advantage of it. ]
[ And how hypocritical it'd be for him to say he doesn't understand that feeling all too well. ]
Fine
We don't know what to do about it rn so maybe we don't do anything. I'm not gonna say I won't wanna talk about it later bc that's a lie but that's then
[ Selfishly, he wonders why this conflict has to happen now. In the same conversation where Kaladin places such a weighty title on his head, one which startles him as much as it makes him want to thank him.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But... ]
Especially with me huh
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1/2
My refusal to explain to you how my life was destroyed by people who look exactly like you
Because you're my friend and I don't want to see you the same way
When that's inevitably going to happen if you keep getting defensive like I predicted you would
Please do
2/2
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"Friend"? ]
I'm the defensive one?
Forget it. You don't wanna talk about it? Fine. Convos over before I say something stupider
no subject
I told you that
Instead you dismissed me
( it's not fair, kaladin knows, but this always seems to happen. he lashes out when he's hurt. he thinks it's a form of self-sabotage—his subconscious scraping at his patience from the inside, so when he needs to utilize it, it's full of holes.
he batters his relationships until they break.
that's what happened with lyn. considering her now frustrates him more. confuses him. she has nothing to do with this. )
Finish what you were going to say
Say something stupider
Call me defensive and whatever else
no subject
[ Which is something he wants clear before he gives in to that urge he was holding back by a thread, jaw working as replies form almost immediately. ]
I told you about my world and you ignored it bc you wanted to disagree with me. Who cares now right? You assuming you're gonna see bad in me without giving me a chance to talk about it or prove you wrong is obviously what's happening now
You're gonna call me a friend then do that?
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( lighteyes. there's the next leap of logic, one he thankfully catches mid-air as it's volleyed.
swallowing thickly, he tries to recover from the mistake. )
I'm
You're
I was going to come back to it but it turned into this
I'm trying not to see bad in you
You don't need to prove me wrong because you haven't done anything
That was the whole point
1/2
Kaladin falters and it saps the drive in him to push him to finish what he has to say, words spilling forth unfiltered where Noctis benefits at least from an ability to edit. Not that he takes advantage of it. ]
Shit
2/2
You're gonna see me different and I have to deal with that and I can, but it's gonna come up again over and over
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Why do you think I know
I've never known
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Fine
We don't know what to do about it rn so maybe we don't do anything. I'm not gonna say I won't wanna talk about it later bc that's a lie but that's then
1/2
2/2
You're right
I need time to think
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He can't find those words yet. ]
Yeah
Talk to you later