[Noctis is right. In an effort not to hurt anyone and to keep himself at a distance — he's only achieved the opposite. Maybe he's the problem. It's hard not to imagine that the two of them could've circumvented a lot of this if only he wasn't here, in the middle of it.
There's so much that he's done wrong. He thought he was doing it better this time. But maybe he underestimated the impact they'd have on him. Not just Jonas, Noctis too. The dumb conversations, the comfort in a confusing situation, the simple companionship of having someone else to rely on. It felt easy and natural being their friends, once he let himself do it.
He just doesn't feel like he can trust himself, and that becomes an almost overwhelming sentiment as Noctis puts him in his place.]
sorry. for all of this shit.
jonas already asked for space, so that's it. i'm gonna go.
What'd you tell him? When he asked where we stood.
[ It's an ill-advised question, but he needs to ask it. Especially when all of his other questions are about Jonas and Cain, and after laying into him the way he has that feels untouchable. After all this... he wishes he felt better about himself. But he really doesn't. ]
He thinks about doing it for a while, staring at that blank space where text should go underneath Noctis's own words, left hanging alone — he thinks of telling him what he said exactly. We're not anything. And how cruel it would feel, just like it did when he overheard Praxis and Abel that time, when he realized how much of a scumbag he was being to someone gentle, and nice, and kind. He was hiding himself where he coudn't be seen, because it was the only way to get what he wanted. Even if that want was freedom, did it matter? It was just... selfish.
He's lying again. Maybe he can convince himself he's not, but it's too hard to forget when Noctis keeps bringing him back to it. Over and over again, Noctis keeps making him face it. His questions, his curiosity, stubbornness, dazzling strength — he doesn't know why anyone as incredible as Noctis would be interested in him as anything more than an inconvenience. He assumed from the start that it just wasn't going to happen, so he never thought about it again.
He never gave him a chance.
After a while, Cain runs out of cigarettes, so he picks himself up and goes to find more. And a bottle of that spiced wine from the convoy. And a second one, for later. And maybe a third, since it seems like they're making more for some reason. Whatever he can do to stop thinking about the two of them — where they are, what they're doing, how they're feeling. And how sorry he is.]
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no subject
There's so much that he's done wrong. He thought he was doing it better this time. But maybe he underestimated the impact they'd have on him. Not just Jonas, Noctis too. The dumb conversations, the comfort in a confusing situation, the simple companionship of having someone else to rely on. It felt easy and natural being their friends, once he let himself do it.
He just doesn't feel like he can trust himself, and that becomes an almost overwhelming sentiment as Noctis puts him in his place.]
sorry. for all of this shit.
jonas already asked for space, so
that's it.
i'm gonna go.
no subject
Or destroy something. ]
Cain, wait
What did you two say to each other?
no subject
nothing you don't already know
wanted to know where i stood with you, since i guess he thought something was going on. you and i both know that's crazy.
[DO WE?]
then we just got into a fight where he swore he told me his feelings and i blew him off, even if that's not how i remember it at all.
listed a bunch of stupid things to be pissed at him about. ran away. not really that different from your talk.
1/2
[ It's an ill-advised question, but he needs to ask it. Especially when all of his other questions are about Jonas and Cain, and after laying into him the way he has that feels untouchable. After all this... he wishes he felt better about himself. But he really doesn't. ]
2/2
If you need a break I'll ttyl
no subject
He thinks about doing it for a while, staring at that blank space where text should go underneath Noctis's own words, left hanging alone — he thinks of telling him what he said exactly. We're not anything. And how cruel it would feel, just like it did when he overheard Praxis and Abel that time, when he realized how much of a scumbag he was being to someone gentle, and nice, and kind. He was hiding himself where he coudn't be seen, because it was the only way to get what he wanted. Even if that want was freedom, did it matter? It was just... selfish.
He's lying again. Maybe he can convince himself he's not, but it's too hard to forget when Noctis keeps bringing him back to it. Over and over again, Noctis keeps making him face it. His questions, his curiosity, stubbornness, dazzling strength — he doesn't know why anyone as incredible as Noctis would be interested in him as anything more than an inconvenience. He assumed from the start that it just wasn't going to happen, so he never thought about it again.
He never gave him a chance.
After a while, Cain runs out of cigarettes, so he picks himself up and goes to find more. And a bottle of that spiced wine from the convoy. And a second one, for later. And maybe a third, since it seems like they're making more for some reason. Whatever he can do to stop thinking about the two of them — where they are, what they're doing, how they're feeling. And how sorry he is.]