[I don't think you understand the gravity of just how hungry he is, Noctis...
There's a soft snort, eyes rolling as he directs his attention down to the oasis, admiring the glittery reflection of stars on the still surface of water. He's not that surprised Noctis continues the topic, and neither is he alarmed by its direction — because he knew it would come up eventually, even if he wasn't willing to do it himself.]
I mean, at that point, wasn't it obvious? [No, Cain. Use your words.] ... I figured the damage was already done. Even if I didn't win by that rule we set, I'd pissed you off enough it wouldn't matter. I already won, in a way. I was trying to get you to leave me alone. How do you stop making a mistake when you're halfway through it?
[A frustrated sigh as he takes the bottle of water from Noctis, scrubbing his face with his other hand. He's gonna have to walk off somewhere private and take a piss, at this rate... But the thought of fish is too compelling to a stomach convinced of its own starvation, so he stays put for now.]
[ Tell me about your hunger in great agonizing detail please. ]
So it was that, huh.
[ Cain, making himself into some colossal villain. Keeping himself from friendships with people he believes he'll make worse, and Noctis hasn't forgotten the words he used to justify his feelings. That's just one more question in the slew of them he still has, but he can't deny Cain a return query.
Arms fold over his knees as he leans forward, suddenly interested in distracting himself with a shift in his body weight. It's reminiscent of his natural desire to fidget, the physical manifestation of anxiety he refuses to allow to show on a neutral face. Right now, however, in spite of the cold, he wonders if that impassive expression isn't dusted with red. Another reason that darkness is a blessing. ]
Is it my turn? "Isn't it obvious"?
... you didn't tell him I responded to you. [ His body, first, though Noctis only consciously thinks of the kiss before realizing the duality of his word choice. Fuck, this is fucking embarrassing... ]
That when you kissed me, I kissed you back.
... you'd already done your damage by then, too. You didn't need to do any of that. [ The unspoken question is there, lingering. ]
It feels awful and exposing when Noctis speaks, in more ways than one. It puts his own actions plainly in front of him, and it leaves too many questions left in the dark space between them.]
... I wasn't going to tell him. Even if you did respond, it wasn't — on purpose. [Involuntary. Due to the circumstances and whatever existing desire Noctis has in him for other men. Cain knows it well; it's not like getting someone to react to physical stimuli is really that difficult.] So what would it help by saying that to Jonas?
[Wouldn't it just be cruel? It's a move Cain wasn't willing to make, knowing that if he said Noctis kissed him back, Jonas might be upset in a way he doesn't want to cause. It didn't mean anything to Noctis, so it would've hurt Jonas for no reason. It seemed so unnecessary to mention in the moment.]
That part's... your decision, anyway. [Unaware of whether Noctis and Jonas have discussed it yet, he can only assume.] It's between the two of you.
[His gaze remains off to the side, brow furrowed, thinking about the moments he's already shared with Jonas — fun and playful and a little too something else, yet unspoken.]
[ Cain invokes his relationship with Jonas and it isn't that that's a bad thing, not when he's leveraged it just as heavily. It just feels incomplete. Like it skirts around the spirit of what they're asking each other, and an event that would be more comfortable for them to half-address. It's not tenable. ]
I get it... but you don't.
I already told him. [ He allows that bomb to drop, to create the same pit in Cain's stomach that it created in his when he had to say it. And then, foreseeing a follow-up that may or may not come: ]
It wasn't because I thought he had to know. You feel like you have to be honest with him because you want to be someone better. Maybe because that's the promise you guys have made to each other. But to me it was our business what happened.
I only told him because you gave him the rest. And how you laid it out wasn't fair. Just like you sitting here telling me what I meant, how I feel, and what I'm doing isn't. It's starting to get on my nerves again.
[There's so much he wants to pursue about that statement: I already told him. What was Jonas's reaction? Did the two of them work it out? If they did, then surely there's nothing in the way now, except Noctis's preoccupation with Eos. A woman named Luna he's supposed to marry even if he doesn't really want to. Has it come up yet? Have they discussed it, and have they grown closer as a result?
Then Noctis keeps talking, going to an extent that calls him out and draws a dark, furtive look that flinches off seconds later.]
So you never would have told him? If I hadn't done anything.
[There's a more important question he should be asking, but this one feels sore in a different way, wondering at intention.]
Our business... doesn't it involve him? You wouldn't have talked to me half as much if Jonas wasn't here.
Jonas is my friend. A close one, somebody I'm gonna' make sure is good no matter what it takes here.
[ His frustration is mounting but this time it's not directed at Cain, even when he suddenly turns to lock eyes with him. It's clear in the tight way he grasps at his own arms and the solemn line of his mouth, stare intent just as it had been before they fought but without any of the same aggression. ]
But tying everything we do to him is gonna' drag him down. Every fight's gonna' wear on him, and every time we patch things up it'll be for his sake. I'm talking to you. You just said we're friends too. Maybe we would've been friends faster if we'd finished our first fight, or maybe it never would've happened. Who knows...
Now I wanna' fix this for us too. I didn't say it before because I convinced myself you'd be an asshole about it, but now I'm not letting that stop me. I've been wrong about everything else.
I tried to like coffee. I tried to... like girls. I tried to be a hardass with you. But I figured out I can be "shouldn't" here, instead of just "should" all the time. I wanna' be around you for you.
[Unbelievable. Noctis is talking his mouth off in that stern, straightforward tone — looking him in the eye and refusing to back down — and it's any wonder Cain can concentrate enough to drum up a response. It feels like they might as well be fighting again for how it affects him; he sits up straighter, bracing one elbow on a crossed knee and pinching the bridge of his nose with gloved fingers. Then he rubs at his temple with a thumb. In the dark, his expression is half-hidden by that upraised hand, just part of his profile visible in a strip of bronze skin.]
God, you are... infuriatingly my type. Like, you're so hot when you get worked up.
[Maybe you don't want him to speak his mind, actually. 🤡]
Hey. I owe you five questions, right? Since you won. [Cain leans back and begins fishing around in the pockets of his pants for something — it becomes obvious when a hand-rolled cigarette and golden lighter are both produced.] Mind if we do 'em next time? We can still talk, I'm just saying. There's only so much of this I can take at once.
[ Reality sets in and the words Cain has formed with that foul mouth of his finally connect to their meaning in his short-circuited brain, and the color in his face that the darkness has done such a good job of hiding deepens substantially and all at once. No one has ever spoken to him like that in his life, and he isn't unaware of the fact that no one may ever again.
It's as frustrating as it is ego-boosting, heart rate quickening in this private moment, up high over a too-blue pool. ]
Oi, you– [ OMAE... ]
[ He leans over suddenly, leg jostling that heater when he delivers a hard smack to Cain's shoulder, one without intent to do lasting damage but that nevertheless has the heft behind it he deserves. ]
You are so annoying; I knew that kiss wasn't some big strategy... [ The words slip out with less self-censorship than he might've preferred, an indelicate way to broach that topic, but being flustered ironically gives him an extra dose of courage. They both acted on impulse. Pretending it was anything else is a pointless venture, and maybe if they let it sit between them it won't be as awkward. A hard argument to make when his face is this red. ]
I say all that, and that's your response? Not even "yeah, me too, Noctis"? I did the heavy lifting and you say the first thing that comes into your head... like I need a reminder that I won and that you owe me...
[Considering their record, that smack might as well be a gentle pat on the shoulder — Cain feigns annoyance with a hiss as he rubs the spot, but it's all for show.]
Ow. Already trying to beat me up again? It was a bitch to have to travel with my ribs messed up, never mind the questions I got about my face...
[At some point, he just started telling people a wild cat attacked him, even though as far as he's aware (and he'd know by now), there aren't any comparable animals on this planet.]
[But clearly Cain's not worked up for another fight by the way he reclines on the ground, one hand back, cigarette burning between his lips where he lets it perch. Inhales, exhales a plume of smoke, ashes it with his fingers.]
You wanna be around me, this's all part of the package, sweetheart.
[One hand gestures to... well, the entirety of himself.]
... but, look. I'm just not that good at saying it. All right? You and Jonas — it's easier for you. Or you make it seem easy. I guess I'm not that trusting of people. I don't like being open. You two are the only ones I give a shit about right now that's not out of some obligation to whatever role I'm playing on this mission.
So listen up, because I'm not gonna say it again: I want to fix this too. As long as you don't pretend to be something you're not around me, then we'll be okay.
Stop, [ comes the immediate corrective reply to Cain's showy soothing of his latest possible bruise. There's no one out here but them, and he knows damn well his friend isn't trying to elicit sympathy from him over a perfectly manly strike or two.
The mood sobers when Cain begins to speak, however, and he does his damndest to focus and listen despite his habit of casually dropping lines that rattle him so effectively and completely. They're from different worlds, both literally and figuratively. That's been the chief takeaway explaining their instinctive incompatibility, but just because it's difficult doesn't mean it isn't worth trying to see behind the veil. Not when Cain cares about them, and finds it in himself to say it out loud. ]
... then I'll try. [ It's the best he can do, and it's obvious by the offer's imperfection that he means it. ] Playing a part's necessary for me. Less here, and even less with you guys. If I slip up, it's not 'cause I want to.
So same for you. I told you before you don't have to trust me; I get it. Just don't lie to me. It's better if you just tell me to fuck off if I start getting on your nerves. So... whatever. Whole package it is, then.
... I practiced something to say to you, you know. With Reze.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
There's a soft snort, eyes rolling as he directs his attention down to the oasis, admiring the glittery reflection of stars on the still surface of water. He's not that surprised Noctis continues the topic, and neither is he alarmed by its direction — because he knew it would come up eventually, even if he wasn't willing to do it himself.]
I mean, at that point, wasn't it obvious? [No, Cain. Use your words.] ... I figured the damage was already done. Even if I didn't win by that rule we set, I'd pissed you off enough it wouldn't matter. I already won, in a way. I was trying to get you to leave me alone. How do you stop making a mistake when you're halfway through it?
[A frustrated sigh as he takes the bottle of water from Noctis, scrubbing his face with his other hand. He's gonna have to walk off somewhere private and take a piss, at this rate... But the thought of fish is too compelling to a stomach convinced of its own starvation, so he stays put for now.]
What parts did you tell Jonas that I left out?
no subject
So it was that, huh.
[ Cain, making himself into some colossal villain. Keeping himself from friendships with people he believes he'll make worse, and Noctis hasn't forgotten the words he used to justify his feelings. That's just one more question in the slew of them he still has, but he can't deny Cain a return query.
Arms fold over his knees as he leans forward, suddenly interested in distracting himself with a shift in his body weight. It's reminiscent of his natural desire to fidget, the physical manifestation of anxiety he refuses to allow to show on a neutral face. Right now, however, in spite of the cold, he wonders if that impassive expression isn't dusted with red. Another reason that darkness is a blessing. ]
Is it my turn? "Isn't it obvious"?
... you didn't tell him I responded to you. [ His body, first, though Noctis only consciously thinks of the kiss before realizing the duality of his word choice. Fuck, this is fucking embarrassing... ]
That when you kissed me, I kissed you back.
... you'd already done your damage by then, too. You didn't need to do any of that. [ The unspoken question is there, lingering. ]
🚨🚨🚨
It feels awful and exposing when Noctis speaks, in more ways than one. It puts his own actions plainly in front of him, and it leaves too many questions left in the dark space between them.]
... I wasn't going to tell him. Even if you did respond, it wasn't — on purpose. [Involuntary. Due to the circumstances and whatever existing desire Noctis has in him for other men. Cain knows it well; it's not like getting someone to react to physical stimuli is really that difficult.] So what would it help by saying that to Jonas?
[Wouldn't it just be cruel? It's a move Cain wasn't willing to make, knowing that if he said Noctis kissed him back, Jonas might be upset in a way he doesn't want to cause. It didn't mean anything to Noctis, so it would've hurt Jonas for no reason. It seemed so unnecessary to mention in the moment.]
That part's... your decision, anyway. [Unaware of whether Noctis and Jonas have discussed it yet, he can only assume.] It's between the two of you.
[His gaze remains off to the side, brow furrowed, thinking about the moments he's already shared with Jonas — fun and playful and a little too something else, yet unspoken.]
I'm sure he'll understand.
WEE WOO WEE WOO
I get it... but you don't.
I already told him. [ He allows that bomb to drop, to create the same pit in Cain's stomach that it created in his when he had to say it. And then, foreseeing a follow-up that may or may not come: ]
It wasn't because I thought he had to know. You feel like you have to be honest with him because you want to be someone better. Maybe because that's the promise you guys have made to each other. But to me it was our business what happened.
I only told him because you gave him the rest. And how you laid it out wasn't fair. Just like you sitting here telling me what I meant, how I feel, and what I'm doing isn't. It's starting to get on my nerves again.
When you could just ask instead.
no subject
Then Noctis keeps talking, going to an extent that calls him out and draws a dark, furtive look that flinches off seconds later.]
So you never would have told him? If I hadn't done anything.
[There's a more important question he should be asking, but this one feels sore in a different way, wondering at intention.]
Our business... doesn't it involve him? You wouldn't have talked to me half as much if Jonas wasn't here.
no subject
[ His frustration is mounting but this time it's not directed at Cain, even when he suddenly turns to lock eyes with him. It's clear in the tight way he grasps at his own arms and the solemn line of his mouth, stare intent just as it had been before they fought but without any of the same aggression. ]
But tying everything we do to him is gonna' drag him down. Every fight's gonna' wear on him, and every time we patch things up it'll be for his sake. I'm talking to you. You just said we're friends too. Maybe we would've been friends faster if we'd finished our first fight, or maybe it never would've happened. Who knows...
Now I wanna' fix this for us too. I didn't say it before because I convinced myself you'd be an asshole about it, but now I'm not letting that stop me. I've been wrong about everything else.
I tried to like coffee. I tried to... like girls. I tried to be a hardass with you. But I figured out I can be "shouldn't" here, instead of just "should" all the time. I wanna' be around you for you.
no subject
God, you are... infuriatingly my type. Like, you're so hot when you get worked up.
[Maybe you don't want him to speak his mind, actually. 🤡]
Hey. I owe you five questions, right? Since you won. [Cain leans back and begins fishing around in the pockets of his pants for something — it becomes obvious when a hand-rolled cigarette and golden lighter are both produced.] Mind if we do 'em next time? We can still talk, I'm just saying. There's only so much of this I can take at once.
1/2
2/2
It's as frustrating as it is ego-boosting, heart rate quickening in this private moment, up high over a too-blue pool. ]
Oi, you– [ OMAE... ]
[ He leans over suddenly, leg jostling that heater when he delivers a hard smack to Cain's shoulder, one without intent to do lasting damage but that nevertheless has the heft behind it he deserves. ]
You are so annoying; I knew that kiss wasn't some big strategy... [ The words slip out with less self-censorship than he might've preferred, an indelicate way to broach that topic, but being flustered ironically gives him an extra dose of courage. They both acted on impulse. Pretending it was anything else is a pointless venture, and maybe if they let it sit between them it won't be as awkward. A hard argument to make when his face is this red. ]
I say all that, and that's your response? Not even "yeah, me too, Noctis"? I did the heavy lifting and you say the first thing that comes into your head... like I need a reminder that I won and that you owe me...
1/2
Ow. Already trying to beat me up again? It was a bitch to have to travel with my ribs messed up, never mind the questions I got about my face...
[At some point, he just started telling people a wild cat attacked him, even though as far as he's aware (and he'd know by now), there aren't any comparable animals on this planet.]
2/2
You wanna be around me, this's all part of the package, sweetheart.
[One hand gestures to... well, the entirety of himself.]
... but, look. I'm just not that good at saying it. All right? You and Jonas — it's easier for you. Or you make it seem easy. I guess I'm not that trusting of people. I don't like being open. You two are the only ones I give a shit about right now that's not out of some obligation to whatever role I'm playing on this mission.
So listen up, because I'm not gonna say it again: I want to fix this too. As long as you don't pretend to be something you're not around me, then we'll be okay.
no subject
The mood sobers when Cain begins to speak, however, and he does his damndest to focus and listen despite his habit of casually dropping lines that rattle him so effectively and completely. They're from different worlds, both literally and figuratively. That's been the chief takeaway explaining their instinctive incompatibility, but just because it's difficult doesn't mean it isn't worth trying to see behind the veil. Not when Cain cares about them, and finds it in himself to say it out loud. ]
... then I'll try. [ It's the best he can do, and it's obvious by the offer's imperfection that he means it. ] Playing a part's necessary for me. Less here, and even less with you guys. If I slip up, it's not 'cause I want to.
So same for you. I told you before you don't have to trust me; I get it. Just don't lie to me. It's better if you just tell me to fuck off if I start getting on your nerves. So... whatever. Whole package it is, then.
... I practiced something to say to you, you know. With Reze.