( After a long time awake, he should be feeling tired. He's glad he isn't when Noctis' text comes in, though there is a great deal of apprehension for the conversation that will follow. )
Hey
Thanks so much for the gifts, they're like way too thoughtful I'm not ever gonna walk around without the compass, promise lol
[ How does he tell him that he already has? In fact, that he has that device turned on now? That he's had it turned on since he opened it, watching it spread lights over canvas? ]
[ Eyes go from dancing lights down to his own ridiculous shirt, finding both nearer and easier to access than the memories of harsh words between friends. Those feelings aren't gone. Hell, they're not even all resolved, but– ]
Unless you wanted to be mortal enemies now instead yeah
We can talk about it out there if you want. Maybe I'm reaching but I don't think either of us wanted it to go down like that
[ Settling things with Gladio, Ignis, or Prompto usually means letting them lie and waiting to see corrective action. But if Jonas thinks they should talk... he'd rather be uncomfortable with him for a short while instead of letting it fester. ]
Yeah cool man I'm here already, so swing by anytime
( Sure enough, in an hour's time, that's where he'll be.
Not expecting Noctis the exact minute he shows up, Jonas is smoking—a real cigarette—just outside of his craft in one of the thick coats provided to him by the Theorem. It has his division's patch on the shoulders, "R&A" in bold, bright letters. On the back, "Research and Archives" is visible, branding him a scientist when he's really anything but.
He doesn't act caught red-handed with the filter between his lips, ignoring that it causes him the most pathetic headache he's personally experienced, but he does look around as if to search for a place to stub it out. )
Hey.
Sorry, let me finish this real quick, and we can head up top in a sec. Your leg okay?
[ He's late even by their own loose standards of "anytime" or "like an hour", taking around an hour and a half to finally make his appearance. He isn't wearing any symbols of allegiance to his own division, but he does smell suspiciously like the mess tent and the covered plastic dish in his hand makes it even clearer where he's come from and what his work has been for the evening. ]
No big deal, take your time with it. [ Shoulders lift in response to a gust of cool air, gaze already turned upward at the impressive starscape above. ]
Leg's fine. More importantly I didn't know if you ate so I brought something over. It's some kind of fried rice, nothing good but at least edible tonight.
I'll eat basically whatever. Thanks, ( he responds in a puff of smoke, obviously still holding more in his lungs.
Briefly, he considers offering Noctis one.
Oh, uh, no thanks. I mean, I literally just said the clean air thing, so.
Instead, the still-burning butt of the cigarette is flicked with odd immediacy into the sand. Externally, it doesn't seem like he's doing anything more than rushing.
With a strong shrug of his shoulder, Jonas gestures upward. )
I can boost you if you want. The wing's the easiest place to get up.
[ With a glance Noctis confirms he agrees with that assessment, tightening his hold on the small container of food. He thinks to add that Jonas doesn't need to rush but it would feel like he's repeating himself, and not fast enough to keep him from wasting half that cigarette anyway.
Aren't those rare out here? ]
Sure. [ If he had access to his magic he wouldn't need the help. Hardly something he needs to be focused on now as he steps closer, a hand on Jonas's shoulder to steady himself when he moves into position to lift him. ]
Deal. ( A quick approval when Noctis touches his shoulder; he imagines he can feel the warmth of his hand permeating through the thick material.
The wing of his ship is a wooden fence held together with rusted nails and wire.
Forming a foothold by lacing his fingers together, Jonas waits until Noctis' boot is slotted and pulls upward before easily pushing him the rest of the way. His friend is light, not unlike Alex was, but with far more muscle control. It's like releasing a kettlebell whose momentum seems to maintain until it stops, finding it unnecessary to check that he made it up alright.
Instead, Jonas immediately begins his climb with a shove of a foot into a leading edge slat. )
Okay— ( Expectantly, knowing Noctis will be there, he casts a hand up for assistance. )
[ Jonas is strong but he already suspected that, having faith that he won't drop him and that makes the job of being boosted up onto the wing – that he then neatly pulls himself onto – a simple one. Boots plant against the flat surface as he turns, food already placed onto the ship's body with a lean so he can devote all his attention and both free hands to the task of hoisting Jonas up with him.
A gloved hand grips low on his arm as he pulls with his own surprising strength, head only turning away when his friend is forced to crawl into his space and he's inspired to rapidly pull himself back out of the way. ]
You good?
[ It's colder up here, a reality he didn't prepare well enough for in his own thin jacket, but no complaints escape pressed lips... yet. ]
Here– [ Palms press against the ship's surface as he scoots himself further back, legs still close to the wing but with the rest of his body situated well out of Jonas's way to offer him more space. ] Food's here too if you want it now. They only had chopsticks clean when I was heading out, so hope that works for you.
( Noctis pulls him up with little effort. That's the soldier in him, Jonas thinks, though the prince seems more present now, even if both are hidden behind the friend he missed the last few days. Jonas crouches there to survey their position on the ship, taking a knee against the next bluster of wind. )
Oh, yeah, I've been up here a couple of times so far. It's way easier when you pull me, though; I look like I'm trying to ride a bike mid-air when it's just me. ( Self-deprecating humour is used to reduce tension in their stilted conversation, and Noctis helps further by offering the food again.
He can't tell him he isn't hungry, but... )
I, uh, ( he begins, joining Noctis where the wing meets the fuselage. He deposits himself there, arm against arm, peering down at the container of food with a sheepish smile. ) I can't actually use them? I've tried before, but I... I could never figure it out.
It's okay, though, really. I'll eat after you and, like... shake it into my mouth or something.
... shake it into your mouth, [ he repeats with some level of disbelief, meeting Jonas's eyes before looking pointedly down at the tray of food that has those wrapped chopsticks affixed to its lid. ]
No way. Me showing you how to use them will be less annoying than watching you do that. [ Those palms remain pressed to the ship's hull as he leans back, unable to muster any protest to the arm against his when it's an obvious need for both of them in this chill. But– ]
Anyway I already ate. All that's yours, so you don't have to rush with it like you did with the cigarette if you're not ready.
Don't give it all away just yet; I bet you'll be hungry after the three hours it takes me to learn how to hold them. ( My doubt in myself is strong, it's stronger than my will to eat.
Wouldn't that be a bit embarrassing? He has very little pride left, but scissoring chopsticks together and dropping rice everywhere sounds wasteful. If Noctis wants to teach him, though...
Well, he's in a repentant mood. He's ready to do just about anything his friend tells him to. )
I didn't rush, by the way. I, like... burnt my finger.
( Removing the chopsticks from the lid, Jonas gestures upward at the stars with them. )
Look, a distraction— ( Feigns tipping the container of rice against his mouth and shaking, lid still on. )
[ Blue eyes soften as he watches his friend, the exaggerated gesture causing the corners of his mouth to turn upward into a small, reluctant smile. It's hard not to be charmed by him.
He's sweet, self-deprecating in a goofy way that makes Noctis want to laugh, and that in itself is a striking rarity. Lately it's only been even more so. ]
Nice try. Is that why I came here? To look at the stars so you have privacy to eat?
[ He does look up, however, that smile fading as he stares upward at a blanket of stars he doesn't recognize. Eos could be any one of them, he's sure of that, a distant brilliant light reaching back out for him. ]
... it feels like we've been here a lot longer than we have. You get that too?
( Noctis' dissolving smile is observed with a lowering of the container. Even after it's gone, replaced by a contemplative look, eyes linger.
With a concept of time as strange as his, Jonas wonders if he should disagree with the statement. He thinks he can split the difference, however, by offering something more than a yes or no: )
I know what you mean.
( It's hard to know what else to say, so he lapses into a short silence. Their initial conversation feels done and dusted, and another, more serious one begins. Though he knows he never will be, he tries to get ready. )
It's only been a couple of months, right? You must be missing home—your friends.
[ Jonas is quiet for a few moments, just enough for Noctis to self-reflect, and that carefully worded answer has him turning his head. Of course, he wants to agree, but first– ]
Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say to you. [ Already he's struggling to articulate his thoughts, and putting his foot in his mouth when he knows pieces of Jonas's story is insensitive. A hand drags through his hair as he suddenly sits up, choosing to instead hunch forward over bent knees. ]
I guess what I mean is it feels like we've known each other for a long time.
So yeah, sure. I want to go home. I need to go home. But I fell into a rhythm too fast here.
It wasn't, seriously, ( Jonas explains, nudging his elbow in against Noctis' side. ) It's weird, it's crazy... I really don't mind, I just didn't want to lie to you.
( He wants to lean forward with Noctis. Put an arm around his shoulders. Comfort him. It helps not to look inward. To take care of someone instead of facing the stars and trying not to feel an overwhelming sense of confusion.
Anchored to this moment, he only really feels grateful. )
Do you mean you got used to things too quickly, or... Do things feel, like, routine now?
[ Jonas dismisses his words and he wonders if it's selfish to feel relieved that they hadn't been taken too seriously. Or... maybe it's more that everything right now has him feeling a sense of guilt, even a friend accepting an apology. ]
The first one. Parts of it, anyway.
Back home, things are more complicated than I told you they were. And besides that... even though I have my friends, they're feeling the weight of it all too. They look at me and they see someone they care about, but it's not like we can pretend they don't see something else too. They see their prince, and they see the duties they have to fulfill.
[ Fingers curl against his arm, ignoring the goosebumps on exposed skin from the increasingly cool air as he tries to force himself through thoughts he's been trying to arrange in order for days. ]
You... and Cain too, you don't see that. You just see me. And it's not like I want to get used to that. But maybe I was, a little. So the other day when I thought something was changing with us already, and maybe I was the odd man out, I just... tensed up.
It's stupid. I get that. I shouldn't even be thinking about any of this at all.
( Bearing a weight alone, not wanting to burden anyone with it... That's so typically Noctis, one of many things he's learned about him in the two months they've known each other; he should've expected this to happen. If he had, though, would he have spoken to him any differently?
Maybe he would've asked him how he was feeling, or if he'd like to hang out with them more often. If he'd like to stay in the same tent, like on the night they hugged. )
Noctis... Hey, c'mere...
( Noctis helped him through his panic by casting an arm around him. Jonas repays him by doing the same, not unperceptive enough to miss how he holds himself against the cold. In a deep lean forward, he joins his friend in that hunched position, knees coming up to better huddle in with him. )
It's not stupid. It's not stupid, and you didn't do anything wrong. We had a misunderstanding, and—Look, we're talking about it now, right?
( His grip on Noctis' far shoulder tightens, a squeeze to emphasize a point. )
It's okay to tense up. To want to be, like... wanted. To be protective of that feeling—especially if it's kind of new to you.
[ "Tensed up" feels like a woefully inadequate way to describe his reaction to learning that his new friends were intimately involved. Or to learn that Jonas had advocated for him to Cain, leading to such a slew of conflicting emotion that it had taken this many days to untangle. Now that he has, while purposefully leaving many threads untraced, he still attempts to downplay it. "Tensed up" is how he feels instead when that arm encircles his shoulders, taking a second or two to ease back into a gesture that's still so unfamiliar but now a little less so than it used to be. It's warm, and safe. It's comfort.
He feels tired. He feels like he wants to cry. And he feels so fucking weak, childish, and guilty for all of it. ]
My friends want me around, [ he manages suddenly through a tight throat, as if the idea of leaving them undefended is too abhorrent to set aside right now. ]
It's just different. [ Ignis, Gladio, and Prompto would never choose to leave his side, he knows that. But at the same time, they'd never really had the opportunity to consider that. Jonas has, and Cain has. Now here they are, and he's being embraced just for explaining his side in an argument that never should've happened. Did he earn this? ]
I don't know where they are right now. Just that I should be there with them, fighting with them. And instead I'm just thinking about myself, again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Hey
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Hey
Thanks so much for the gifts, they're like way too thoughtful
I'm not ever gonna walk around without the compass, promise lol
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[ ... ]
You didn't have to do all this either Jonas
Idk where the hell you even found smth like this, this had to cost way way more
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That's like
It really is thoughtful Noct, idk how else to say it
I actually got a super good deal on your things, I promise
Just enjoy, okay?
ik you like space and we didn't get to go look so
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Yeah ig things piled up and we missed our chance
[ A long minute passes before the next text. ]
You free tonight?
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It reappears once Noctis finally responds, a message accompanying it shortly after. )
Yeah I'm free but I was a total ass to you
I'm a little confused
Like you seriously want to hang out?
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Unless you wanted to be mortal enemies now instead yeah
We can talk about it out there if you want. Maybe I'm reaching but I don't think either of us wanted it to go down like that
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Just still idk
I'm down to talk about it, I think it'll stick around if we don't
Where do you wanna meet up?
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Got it
Your ship in like an hour? If it's a good spot
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I'm here already, so swing by anytime
( Sure enough, in an hour's time, that's where he'll be.
Not expecting Noctis the exact minute he shows up, Jonas is smoking—a real cigarette—just outside of his craft in one of the thick coats provided to him by the Theorem. It has his division's patch on the shoulders, "R&A" in bold, bright letters. On the back, "Research and Archives" is visible, branding him a scientist when he's really anything but.
He doesn't act caught red-handed with the filter between his lips, ignoring that it causes him the most pathetic headache he's personally experienced, but he does look around as if to search for a place to stub it out. )
Hey.
Sorry, let me finish this real quick, and we can head up top in a sec. Your leg okay?
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No big deal, take your time with it. [ Shoulders lift in response to a gust of cool air, gaze already turned upward at the impressive starscape above. ]
Leg's fine. More importantly I didn't know if you ate so I brought something over. It's some kind of fried rice, nothing good but at least edible tonight.
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Briefly, he considers offering Noctis one.
Oh, uh, no thanks. I mean, I literally just said the clean air thing, so.
Instead, the still-burning butt of the cigarette is flicked with odd immediacy into the sand. Externally, it doesn't seem like he's doing anything more than rushing.
With a strong shrug of his shoulder, Jonas gestures upward. )
I can boost you if you want. The wing's the easiest place to get up.
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Aren't those rare out here? ]
Sure. [ If he had access to his magic he wouldn't need the help. Hardly something he needs to be focused on now as he steps closer, a hand on Jonas's shoulder to steady himself when he moves into position to lift him. ]
I can give you a hand once I'm up there. Deal?
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The wing of his ship is a wooden fence held together with rusted nails and wire.
Forming a foothold by lacing his fingers together, Jonas waits until Noctis' boot is slotted and pulls upward before easily pushing him the rest of the way. His friend is light, not unlike Alex was, but with far more muscle control. It's like releasing a kettlebell whose momentum seems to maintain until it stops, finding it unnecessary to check that he made it up alright.
Instead, Jonas immediately begins his climb with a shove of a foot into a leading edge slat. )
Okay— ( Expectantly, knowing Noctis will be there, he casts a hand up for assistance. )
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A gloved hand grips low on his arm as he pulls with his own surprising strength, head only turning away when his friend is forced to crawl into his space and he's inspired to rapidly pull himself back out of the way. ]
You good?
[ It's colder up here, a reality he didn't prepare well enough for in his own thin jacket, but no complaints escape pressed lips... yet. ]
Here– [ Palms press against the ship's surface as he scoots himself further back, legs still close to the wing but with the rest of his body situated well out of Jonas's way to offer him more space. ] Food's here too if you want it now. They only had chopsticks clean when I was heading out, so hope that works for you.
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Oh, yeah, I've been up here a couple of times so far. It's way easier when you pull me, though; I look like I'm trying to ride a bike mid-air when it's just me. ( Self-deprecating humour is used to reduce tension in their stilted conversation, and Noctis helps further by offering the food again.
He can't tell him he isn't hungry, but... )
I, uh, ( he begins, joining Noctis where the wing meets the fuselage. He deposits himself there, arm against arm, peering down at the container of food with a sheepish smile. ) I can't actually use them? I've tried before, but I... I could never figure it out.
It's okay, though, really. I'll eat after you and, like... shake it into my mouth or something.
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No way. Me showing you how to use them will be less annoying than watching you do that. [ Those palms remain pressed to the ship's hull as he leans back, unable to muster any protest to the arm against his when it's an obvious need for both of them in this chill. But– ]
Anyway I already ate. All that's yours, so you don't have to rush with it like you did with the cigarette if you're not ready.
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Wouldn't that be a bit embarrassing? He has very little pride left, but scissoring chopsticks together and dropping rice everywhere sounds wasteful. If Noctis wants to teach him, though...
Well, he's in a repentant mood. He's ready to do just about anything his friend tells him to. )
I didn't rush, by the way. I, like... burnt my finger.
( Removing the chopsticks from the lid, Jonas gestures upward at the stars with them. )
Look, a distraction— ( Feigns tipping the container of rice against his mouth and shaking, lid still on. )
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He's sweet, self-deprecating in a goofy way that makes Noctis want to laugh, and that in itself is a striking rarity. Lately it's only been even more so. ]
Nice try. Is that why I came here? To look at the stars so you have privacy to eat?
[ He does look up, however, that smile fading as he stares upward at a blanket of stars he doesn't recognize. Eos could be any one of them, he's sure of that, a distant brilliant light reaching back out for him. ]
... it feels like we've been here a lot longer than we have. You get that too?
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With a concept of time as strange as his, Jonas wonders if he should disagree with the statement. He thinks he can split the difference, however, by offering something more than a yes or no: )
I know what you mean.
( It's hard to know what else to say, so he lapses into a short silence. Their initial conversation feels done and dusted, and another, more serious one begins. Though he knows he never will be, he tries to get ready. )
It's only been a couple of months, right? You must be missing home—your friends.
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Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say to you. [ Already he's struggling to articulate his thoughts, and putting his foot in his mouth when he knows pieces of Jonas's story is insensitive. A hand drags through his hair as he suddenly sits up, choosing to instead hunch forward over bent knees. ]
I guess what I mean is it feels like we've known each other for a long time.
So yeah, sure. I want to go home. I need to go home. But I fell into a rhythm too fast here.
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( He wants to lean forward with Noctis. Put an arm around his shoulders. Comfort him. It helps not to look inward. To take care of someone instead of facing the stars and trying not to feel an overwhelming sense of confusion.
Anchored to this moment, he only really feels grateful. )
Do you mean you got used to things too quickly, or... Do things feel, like, routine now?
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The first one. Parts of it, anyway.
Back home, things are more complicated than I told you they were. And besides that... even though I have my friends, they're feeling the weight of it all too. They look at me and they see someone they care about, but it's not like we can pretend they don't see something else too. They see their prince, and they see the duties they have to fulfill.
[ Fingers curl against his arm, ignoring the goosebumps on exposed skin from the increasingly cool air as he tries to force himself through thoughts he's been trying to arrange in order for days. ]
You... and Cain too, you don't see that. You just see me. And it's not like I want to get used to that. But maybe I was, a little. So the other day when I thought something was changing with us already, and maybe I was the odd man out, I just... tensed up.
It's stupid. I get that. I shouldn't even be thinking about any of this at all.
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Maybe he would've asked him how he was feeling, or if he'd like to hang out with them more often. If he'd like to stay in the same tent, like on the night they hugged. )
Noctis... Hey, c'mere...
( Noctis helped him through his panic by casting an arm around him. Jonas repays him by doing the same, not unperceptive enough to miss how he holds himself against the cold. In a deep lean forward, he joins his friend in that hunched position, knees coming up to better huddle in with him. )
It's not stupid. It's not stupid, and you didn't do anything wrong. We had a misunderstanding, and—Look, we're talking about it now, right?
( His grip on Noctis' far shoulder tightens, a squeeze to emphasize a point. )
It's okay to tense up. To want to be, like... wanted. To be protective of that feeling—especially if it's kind of new to you.
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He feels tired. He feels like he wants to cry. And he feels so fucking weak, childish, and guilty for all of it. ]
My friends want me around, [ he manages suddenly through a tight throat, as if the idea of leaving them undefended is too abhorrent to set aside right now. ]
It's just different. [ Ignis, Gladio, and Prompto would never choose to leave his side, he knows that. But at the same time, they'd never really had the opportunity to consider that. Jonas has, and Cain has. Now here they are, and he's being embraced just for explaining his side in an argument that never should've happened. Did he earn this? ]
I don't know where they are right now. Just that I should be there with them, fighting with them. And instead I'm just thinking about myself, again.
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now it's my turn to get this all over with at once, TL;DR
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH IT'S BEAUTIFUL
soaks this all in
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