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[fessus]

@noctis.sky | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[cyberlife]

That's very kind of you. I'll do the same for you, if you happen to end up needing it, Noctis.

This is the most pain I've been in, but I'm through suppressing it. I need to feel it all to understand what I've done.

1/3

[fessus]

Let's just make sure our timeline of events matches just in case we get asked.

Listen, Connor

2/3

[fessus]

[ Listen to what? To some comforting platitude like "it wasn't your fault" or "it's gonna' be okay"? Noctis knows how hollow those words are, cringes inwardly at the thought of someone uttering them to him in response to his own failings. ]

3/3

[fessus]

[ ... ]

Just don't let it hold you back. You can feel bad about it but tomorrow's another day, so...

[cyberlife]

(being placated would make him feel worse. noctis' comment, though, is a bit of a relief — it makes him nod to himself in his empty, lonely room beyond a bustling hospital ward. they both know he should've had the willpower to pull through that. he thought he did.

he's still too weak, still too vulnerable to other, stronger minds taking control of his own. and he doesn't pay the price, his friends do.)

I'm so sorry that I-

I... don't know how to repay you.

[fessus]

Then ig you don't.

I've hurt my friends before when I didn't mean to. Can't really make up for that, you just trust them to know that you didn't want to.

Can I get my meal after this?

[cyberlife]

Are we friends?

(he has to ignore the meal for a moment, even if he knows full well he'll come back to it. he'll buy him anything he likes.)

[fessus]

[ .................... uhhhhhhh ]

Kind of a weird question. What do you think?

[ I don't know that ]

[cyberlife]

I hope to be, if we aren't already. I'll buy your meal.

(is he... bartering for noctis' friendship... maybe...)

[fessus]

Okay... Never been friends with someone under a year old before.

[cyberlife]

That shouldn't be a problem. My outward appearance and my mentalty are far beyond their years.

2/2

[cyberlife]

Mentality.

These drugs are strong.

(one typo and his world's over.)

[fessus]

Yeah it's your sense of humor and ability to read the mood that really need work.......

Nice typo though. You still doing okay? They're not doing surgery or anything right?

[cyberlife]

No surgery required. They set it, which was indescribable.

(it hurt. so bad. just remembering it brings him the phantom aches and throbs, making him press his head back into his pillow.)

I don't understand what you mean by "read the mood". What mood was there?

[fessus]

Ouch. Well tick that box for life experiences ig.

The mood's me obv joking about caring about your age and you trying to make me feel better about it anyway.

1/2

[cyberlife]

Oh.

[cyberlife]

Sorry, things that seem obvious to you aren't immediately obvious to me.

I'm working on my references.

[fessus]

Lollllll yeah, I got that.

ugh this place blows, I wanna leave

[cyberlife]

We shouldn't overstay our welcome. I don't want to rush your healing process or interfere with it in any way, but once we've received feedback on our conditions tomorrow, we should leave.

Without mentioning it to anyone. I have reasons for this available upon request.

(JAILBREAK.)

You can stay at the apartment until you've regained your strength, if you'd like, but I know it might be difficult to be around me. All things considered.

[fessus]

Uhhhh request.

[ IS THIS HOW HE GETS AN EXPLANATION FOR THAT... ]

Idk when they're cutting this thing out of my arm but it should be quick I think. Considering.

[cyberlife]

(REQUEST RECEIVED, UPLOADING NECESSARY EXPLANATION. BEEP BOOP.)

We're not supposed to share the states of our bodies, because we're anomalies in this place. With whatever's in our chests, we need to be careful we don't get caught by anyone who might be working for the traffickers who brought us here.

They've already taken an x-ray of my body that I need to confiscate. I know where the radiology room is, but we can discuss distractions tomorrow.

(another strong pang of guilt at the way noctis phrases that. they're going to pull his bullet out of his friend's arm. connor can't help that another apology slips into his texts.)

I'm sorry.

[fessus]

Are you serious... Like I don't have enough problems, wtf I don't need this rn too. I just want a nap.

Roger though, w/e, guess if we have to break in and take care of stuff then that's it.

[ The apology catches him off-guard, though, yet another reminder of what they've already addressed. He forgave him, so why-- Or at least he implied as much. Said things were fine, that he wasn't holding a grudge. But Connor's a lot more formal than he is. Does he need to hear it just like that? ]

I forgive you.

[cyberlife]

(no one's ever said that to him, "i forgive you", not in a way he couldn't misconstrue. not hank, not even markus, and never amanda when he made so many of the wrong — right, right, betraying her trust was right — choices that led him to deviancy and a failed mission.

it's hard to argue with noctis when he's thought those words that concretely.)

I don't know what to say. I don't feel like I deserve it.

[fessus]

[ His eyes roll when he reads the message but it isn't a dismissive thing, not when there's a seemingly out of place smile tugging at his lips in the privacy of his own room. ]

Yeah I got that. I felt what you felt for a minute you know. I think I would've screwed up too.

We're friends. That means things are chill and they blow over bc we let them. You don't hold onto it. Least that's how it goes with my other ones but they're kinda weird ig.

[cyberlife]

(friends. he's only ever had one and was never absolutely sure hank thought the same until the day they won the fight in detroit. now it seems like he has so many. how did he get by without their reassurances before?

it almost feels wrong to lean on them, but that's what noctis is suggesting. isn't it?)

I'm... kind of weird too. I think that could apply to me.

Letting go, for me, is extremely difficult. Do you have any tips on how to do so?